Sessions With Billie

Once again, I had another good session with Billie last week! She has a nice new, humongous, office with a huge window now. It was a gorgeous day outside so it was nice to feel like we were outside while sitting inside.

Irony At Its Best

I was talking to an old friend last night and that’s when I realized something… he has very little time in his life for a relationship but he would truly like to be in one and he wants to share everything in his world with someone special. Whereas I have all the time in the world (although it doesn’t feel that way lately), and someone very special to share it with, but because of his job he is frequently not home!

It’s funny how these things happen…

DH’s amount of travelling changes frequently throughout the year, but at this particular moment I find it excessive. Long story short, from mid-September until the holidays in December he will be away far more than he will be home to say the least (insert upside-down frown here). Frustrating? You bet!

I took my cues on how to be a work widow from a very good friend of mine who was going through this when we first met. Without her, I don’t think I would have been able to handle all of this… especially not in the beginning. I was thinking about this the other day when something interesting popped into my head. When her other half would travel for work, she would frequently go and stay with her parents at their house even though she had a home of her own right next to work and everything! Back then, this was the only thing about her ways of coping that I didn’t really understand. Maybe, in part, because I am not close to my family? I don’t know, I just always thought it was a bit strange but I never said anything to her about it (well, I guess she will know now lol). Anyway, the point is… I get it now! I really, really, do!

Being alone sucks! Two cats and two fish don’t make up for human contact! The only problem for me is that I am also a really bad guest when I am alone! I need to be in my own environment to feel comfortable, especially if I am under stress. Or I need to be with DH – wherever he and I are, as long as we are together, feels like home (awe). But when we are apart, the only home that feels like HOME to me is MY home. I would rather play host than guest I suppose. And you know what? Maybe I should start! At least until we have kids… because I am convinced that when we do this will no longer be an issue for me. I need to start having sleepovers or something. We now have two actual guestrooms and two sofas to choose from as well, so why not? Right?

 Any takers?

Dream Diary: Walk Of Shame

“Make the elevator come a little faster.
I'm pushing all the buttons but nothing's happening
Please, God, don't let anybody see me
Please, God, I'll do anything you ask me
I promise no more walks of shame”
Pink – Walk Of Shame Lyrics

What is going on inside my head this week? I have had a number of weird dreams recently and I am starting to think they will all be melding into one larger dream soon and I am starting to hate this process. Huh? Wait, what?

Ok, let me explain… As I mentioned once before, my dreams have a tendency to do a strange cinematography, time-lapse effect thingy. Very descriptive, I know. Basically, I will dream in fragments and often different pieces will happen on different nights. Once I put them all together they flow more smoothly. Kind of like a puzzle I guess. Sometimes only seconds are missing and other times a whole chunk could be gone. I had a recurring dream once that lasted well over a year that I was able to put together into a short story by the time it was done; only it never really had an ending - yet. I am usually able to connect where these fragments originated from in my day to day life, but not always.

So, what’s going on?

DH is away for work right now so I am a work-widow once again. Wonderful timing, but this is usually when my mind starts playing little tricks on me. I have been sleeping with an extra blanket since the weekend and for some reason I got tangled in it the other night. I woke up, but only partially, and it felt like someone was wrapped around me or draped over me. It felt almost heavy, like DH was actually there. I fixed the blanket and went back to sleep but when I woke up I could have sworn someone had actually been in bed with me over night…

And then, the other night I mentioned to a friend that I get paranoid when DH is away so I always put the alarm on. This then parlayed into another weird dream where I asked a co-worker to spend the night in my house with me because I was afraid to be alone and somehow this turned into me agreeing to stay at his house, closer to work, because it was more convenient. Fast forward and I am pulling a “walk of shame” out of his condo the following morning, to the elevator which isn’t working (see lyrics above to a song I have been listening to a lot lately) so I take the stairs and run into the friend I had talked to the other night. She pulls me into her place and gives me a whole “what do you think you’re doing” scolding and that was when I woke up.

Now I am questioning if the blanket thing ever really happened or if it was part of this dream creeping in out of place. And, what happened from the time I agreed to go with the co-worker until my “walk of shame” moment, or do I not want to know? I really wish there were a way to record what happens in your dreams because I swear no one would believe me half of the time!

Anyhow, I love my DH and I would never do anything to hurt him so this was definitely FAR FROM REAL!I wonder what will happen in my dreams tonight...

April Updates

Where has the time gone? April just flew by it seems… we are already in May! So, a quick update from April…

We were in NYC from April 2-5. It was a pretty good trip overall and I was able to get/do everything on my list… I just killed my feet, knees, and body in the process. I am not made to walk 100 blocks a day! And yes, I did take a lot of pictures, I just haven’t had time to post any of them yet so for those of you who have been asking, they should be up soon!

And, this last weekend from April 27-30 we were in Toronto for my BFF’s wedding reception (the one who got married in Jamaica a month ago). Lots of sleeping in and late nights! We also hit Red Lobster and Medieval Times while we were there so it was a pretty busy, but happy, weekend!

What’s planned for May? So far…. nothing!!! I will be a work widow again for about a week and a half, but other than that – peace and quiet! And I am not complaining! I need some down time.

March Madness

Has it really been nearly a month since I posted? Wow! I didn’t even notice the time go by. So, what’s new? Well I guess the funny bit of news is that I literally have a huge “pain in the ass” right now. I slipped and fell last Friday morning for the first time this winter and managed to bruise, pull and tear my gluteal muscle on the left. Sitting, walking and doing just about anything with that leg hurts at the moment. Anti-inflammatory’s, rest and ice are about all I can do to heal it. Honestly, you never really know how much you use that muscle until you hurt it!

And, I was a work widow for 3.5 weeks again but I guess that really isn’t news to anyone anymore. DH is home now for 10 days and then he is off for work again. But, I get to join him for a few days in NYC this time so I am so excited and looking forward to that trip! It’s funny though, because every time I have been to NYC I leave saying I am never coming back, it’s a crazy city, that it is sensory overload and I don’t like it at all… and about a year later I always find myself wanting to return. I will have one day completely to myself and we will be together for the rest so I have my maps and shopping list all ready to go! And, since the “Sex and the City” tour was so good last time I’m hoping to try out another tour that company offers but haven’t decided which yet. And I won’t have to do it alone this time either! Yay for that! Mind you, I don’t think he would have done a SATC tour with me anyhow!

Sadly, my best friend’s grandmother passed away last Friday as well. I’m not going to go into details as this is personal for her, but I do want to extend my condolences again. Despite the circumstances, I do have to admit that I was glad to have her stay with us for a couple of nights though! It was a bit of a shock having DH, BFF, her fiancé and one other friend all arrive the same day for supper after 3.5 weeks alone – but I enjoyed it! BFF is getting married in 13 days and I am unable to attend so it was nice to see her one last time before she is a married woman! I can’t wait to celebrate with you guys at your reception (with a weekend getaway too) in April! We booked everything yesterday so we are set!

And last but not least, our anniversary is this Thursday! After work, DH and I will be heading to the spa for a bit (spoiling for him and more shoulder healing for me) followed by a late dinner at Le Garde Manger. We usually went to another restaurant for our anniversary, annually, but they weren’t great the last few times we went so I think this will be our new place! We have also taken Friday and Monday off together and we have our annual “Shacking Up” event this Saturday as well. A busy but fun few days!

Definition Of My Life: The Work Widow!

I am having an FML kind of day today, and no I do not intend to go into detail. However, to sum things up, here is the current definition of my life as described by Urban Dictionary: 

Work Widow: Commonly found among the partners of consultants and salespeople, a state of "temporary widowhood" caused by the work or work travel schedule of a significant other. A woman, married or in a relationship, who is often left alone on a regular basis for significant periods of time (multiple days), enough to seem to be single or without companionship. (Male version: Work Widower)

It is not that I don't understand what is going on right now, it's just that I am tired and fed up with it. Those who live (or have lived) this life understand how I am feeling right now and thank you for being there for me.

I don't want pity or sympathy from anyone - I just needed to vent... so, FML!