Looking Back On 2014

This last year has certainly had its share highs and lows, and one thing that has been reinforced is that life just simply isn’t fair. And, yes, I knew this before but it seems to get clearer as the years go by. I have many examples of why I feel this way, but it all started with the loss of my father-in-law.

Re-Claiming My Uterus!

Is this writer’s block? I don’t think so…
Some internal struggle between what to keep private and what to make public? Possibly…
Or maybe I simply haven’t wrapped my head around it all yet? Probably.

For some reason I am just having trouble getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper/blog this week. I am fed up. I am emotionally worn-out from being on display, speaking both medically and personally. I am so over being a lab rat! Although, this time the process has been less lab rat like but still not pleasant.

Super Heroes

I was finishing off my Christmas shopping a couple of weeks ago when I inevitably ended up in the toy section; specifically, surrounded by Super Hero stuff. Batman, Superman, the Joker… you name it! And, as I stared at all of my options it dawned on me: these are not SUPER HEROES, these are just characters created from someone’s imagination.

Wait, what? The girl who actually LIKES comics, LOVES Gotham, and KNOWS what Arkham even is, amongst other things, is saying this? Don’t get me wrong… I still like the DC and Marvel franchises, but over the last year or so I have come to learn what a real super hero is.

And Then There Were 7…

Back in September I wrote that hopefully 2015 will be our year. While there is still hope for that in the future, this was not the case for us today.

Yes, we recently had our first frozen embryo transfer (FET) from the most recent IVF cycle. And no, it did not “stick”... again! We had an early beta test done on Saturday while DH was in town for a couple of days and the numbers were so low that I basically expected nothing else but negative today unless, of course, a miracle would have occurred - which it did not!

So what have we learned?

Once Upon A Time… Meets Frozen? Why!?

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I love classic fairy tales, and not just their Disney counterparts but the original stories too. I also have a small collection of fairy tale re-writes that I enjoyed and that is why the TV series, Once Upon A Time, initially appealed to me.

One Month Until Christmas

Seriously? One month! Are you kidding me?

This morning someone asked me why I was so stressed out about Christmas since all of my shopping is already done, and I think my answer surprised her. Since I start my shopping so early and do it in bits and pieces, this never stresses me out it’s the holidays IN GENERAL that I don’t like!

Open Letter: To DH

Over the years you have received countless letters and notes from me; love letters, reminder post-its, to-do lists, messages on the bathroom mirror (not in the creepy sense), and long winded letters of anger/frustration/confusion when I couldn’t express myself so well verbally too (hey, we have all been there).

But this one is different… because I want the world to know about this one!

Innocence (Lost)

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Mahatma Gandhi

We used to play outside when I was a kid. In the winter we would build igloos and forts on the front lawn and dig tunnels under the snow. In the summer we would ride our bikes to the park and play with anyone else who was there, whether we knew them or not. We were kids being kids, and we were safe without being supervised - for the most part.

But we no longer have those freedoms, do we?

Faux Pas!

"Faux pas: a socially awkward or tactless act,
especially one that violates accepted social norms,
standard customs, or the rules of etiquette"

Wikipedia

How are your treatments going?
Did it work?
Are you pregnant?
Have you considered adoption?

These are the questions one of my co-workers threw at me last week while we were standing next to each other at the bathroom sinks. A co-worker I barely say a word to all day and someone I am not close with at all! Of course, being caught completely off guard I spilled out a little more than I had hoped to tell her and had to run damage control the following day (by e-mail) because she tends to share a little too much about other people’s personal information but… ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You don’t do that! This is a major faux pas!

Dream Diary: Legend

There is a Japanese legend (actually, don’t quote me on the origin) which says that “when you can't sleep at night it's because you're awake in someone else's dream”. If this is really true, then a lot of people must hate me right now!

Lately, my nights have been filled with dream after dream about people I know; some very realistic and others clearly fiction. Close friends and family as well as people who I haven’t seen in years and I would never expect to appear in a dream, but there they are all just as clear as though I had seen them yesterday. I blame Facebook for this!

So in the event that this legend is true, my apologies to those who I have been keeping up at night!

New Beginnings: Where Do We Go From Here?

As of now we have a number of embryos frozen for future use. Not all of them made it this far but that is completely normal. So, now what happens?

To get pregnant, “normal” couples go into a bedroom somewhere (or backseat of a car if you prefer) without an audience and TTC. If they succeed, 3 months later they get to make their big announcement and surprise their family and friends. And now, I am glad to say that we can do the same… well, almost.

New Beginnings: Retrospective Part III

Collection day, August 29! They asked us to be there for 7:30am and by 8:00am they were already getting us prepped. They connected me to an IV and went over the procedure while DH did his part in the “boom-boom-room” (my new term for it).

New Beginnings: Retrospective Part II

On August 19, all reservations and fears now gone, DH and I went in for our first ultrasound. I was a tiny bit worried that I might have a cyst blocking me from starting as I have had in the past, but everything was perfect; start injecting!

New Beginnings: Retrospective Part I

August went by in a flash! Summer is over, school has started back up again, and soon the weather will be changing too; bye-bye summer, hello fall! We have been extremely busy and I haven’t really had the chance to write in recent weeks, so I decided to set aside some time to share the reasons why and let everyone in on our little secret!

Get Ready Everybody!

After a brief period of total silence, Creating My Monster is about to become a very busy blog! I have a lot to catch everybody up on and a lot to say so there will be a new post every day this week!

Stay tuned!

O Captain! My Captain!

A week ago, smiles around the world faded when news broke that Robin Williams had passed away. Everyone was shocked as the details of his suicide were released, but as the pieces came together and painted a picture of the final months of his life it kind of began to make sense… or no sense at all depending how you looked at it. It has been really difficult to watch and read what everyone has been saying about him and what a great person he was; it was the type of news you heard and simply didn’t want to believe, but I guess this is a testament to his impact across our lives.

Clinical vs Emotional

A few years ago, in couple’s therapy, we had a discussion about my way of handling our previous rounds of treatment. DH said that I seemed to lack emotional involvement and that I became overly clinical about everything. And, I completely agree.

Is 35 Too Young For A Midlife Crisis?

Age is just a number, and in a couple of weeks my number will be 35. Normally age and numbers don’t really bother me all that much, but when you are TTC with PCOS and know that you require IVF/IVM you start looking at “35” from a statistical point of view… and then it hits you, I am turning 35!

Unfortunately Fortunate

“Never let the things you want
make you forget the things you have.”

Looking back over the last couple of months, we have done extremely well for ourselves. I finally bought a new (used) car and DH decided to get rid of his old Mazda in favor of a new (used) car that he has always wanted as well as a new (used again) motorcycle. We recently got a new sofa and a new bed, and we have finally had some work done around the house that was long overdue as well! And, the best part is that we are not suffering financially from any of this. In fact, most of it was done without financing which is generally how we live our lives; if we don’t have the cash for it, it doesn’t happen unless it is critical. Sure, the extra spending will come to a halt for a while and we won’t be going away for another six months or so in order to recover some savings but is that so bad? Not really considering I have seen the debt some people get themselves into first hand!

Dream Diary: “Disneylands”

Ah, hormones. One pill, just one! And this is what my brain does? Disney characters in a Borderlands-like video game mixed with Roger Rabbit?? Here we go…

Insights: Put An End To “Can’t Do” Attitudes

Over the last year or so I have made an interesting observation, and with school being out, more kids coming to work with mom and dad, birthday parties for kids around us, and just a general increase in social events during the summer months I have been seeing this happen more and more…

Time Out!

I don’t recall ever being put on time-out as a child, but I am sure it happened now and then despite the fact that I was an absolute angel. But when you’re an adult nobody puts you on time out; you need to learn to recognize when you need one for yourself.

Dream Diary: Not Jersey!

Here we go again… I know that “New Jersey” has come up a few times in the last week, but never negatively so I am not sure what happened here. My apologies, in advance, New Jersey!

Re-Launch!

The blog is back up and running! And, I am happy to say that it took me WAY less time than I had anticipated!

Under Construction

"Creating My Monster" is getting a facelift!

It's not that I don't love the old design, but there are certain features that cannot be implemented (or just simply don't run well) because of the old code so it is time to update. Over the next few days this site may look a little lopsided or be turned off altogether, but the new site should be up and running soon!

Thanks for your patience.

Breaking My Silence

A while back I promised that I wouldn’t talk about my treatments so openly in the future in order to maintain some privacy. And that is exactly what I intended to do… until everything fell apart.

Creating.My: Blog Updates

Many of you follow this blog purely by email subscription but you all know there is a website that I work really hard on too, right? Just teasing! But seriously… please check it out. I have been making a number of changes lately and I want your feedback! Not completely happy with the layout right now, but can’t seem to figure out another way either…

I Bought A Car!

Yup! I am not the proud new owner of a moderately used Honda Civic!

I picked the car up last Friday, Friday the 13th, with a full moon and horrible rainy weather... and so far so good! She isn't cursed! And I have named her Stella because she's gonna help me get my groove back and it's fun to scream that out in the parking lot when you lose your car!

Stellllaaaaaa!

Three Years

Three years ago today something awesome happened...

A friend of mine had reservations to a restaurant we had really wanted to try, which had a six month waiting list, and she was unable to go so she let us go instead. It was a great experience and we have been back many times since! We even got to meet the owner back in February when we went there for an early anniversary dinner. He put a sparkler in our dessert to celebrate which was very sweet! Counting down the days until we go back… and hoping DH takes me there for my birthday (hint hint)!

Oh, and now that my SIL is nicely fuming about me talking about a restaurant….

Something even MORE incredible happened after dinner that night… we found out that our first niece was born, and that means that she is turning three years old today! I can’t believe it has been three years already… it seems like it was only a few months ago… wait, no, that was their OTHER daughter! Ha, ha? Anyhow, looking forward to her birthday party this weekend and even more excited to babysit both of them on Sunday! 

Happy Birthday from Zia and Zio, G!

Have A Maleficent day!

“I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream
I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream”
Once Upon A Dream Lyrics – Sleeping Beauty - Lana Del Ray

Some say I’m a Disney junkie, others that I am obsessed with Angelina Jolie. But those who know me best know that both of those are true! And today the movie I have been waiting so long for is finally in theaters and I am getting off work early to go and see it!

Any excuse to leave work early on a Friday is a good excuse, but this one has been long anticipated!

Let the countdown begin…

The Cost Of Happiness

Little girls don’t dream of growing up and having their own children through assisted reproduction methods. In fact, until I found out that this was what I needed to do in order to have children of my own, I really didn’t know much about IUI, IVM, IVF etc… let alone what any of those acronyms stood for! I was also completely unaware of the associated costs. Whoever says that money can’t buy happiness has never learned that they can only have children through IVF because you need a whole lot of money to get what you want!

I have spreadsheets detailing all of the costs over the years and it’s just incredible. Back in 2010 my rounds of IVM medications alone cost about 5600$ (1300$ out of pocket thanks to insurance) and my cancelled IVF back in 2012 cost about 1850$ (425$ out of pocket this time). But when you break that down to a day by day cost, some days were costing me 200$ or more! That’s a lot to deal with when you have to pay everything up front and then wait for your insurance claims to be completed and refunded. But don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining because this is considered to be cheap now that the Quebec government is paying for treatments; the only thing they don’t cover is the medication. I am extremely grateful for this!

Actually, I was talking to a friend recently about by upcoming (and somewhat dreaded) 35th birthday and the cost of treatments whenever we decide to start again. Jokingly, he suggested everyone should buy me a shot – and not the kind with alcohol, the injections! I might seriously have to consider this idea though; joke or not, it’s not a bad plan!

Our new clinic is also semi-private which means that while treatment itself is still covered, all of the diagnostic testing we have been going through is not. I have spent anywhere from 100$ - 450$ each time we walk in that place (also covered by insurance, mostly) but it has all been worth it and I am glad we did it. The staff is so much nicer than most of the people at the hospital, the appointments are actually on time, and when I make an appointment to see my doctor I actually see MY doctor and not an army of residents. I understand the need for teaching hospitals, but I am tired of feeling like a lab rat; I have paid those dues over and over again!

So if you see me or DH panhandling one of these days, you know why!

A Poem For My BFF

Just Because

Our paths crossed, so long ago,

And immediately, our bond began to grow.

A blossoming friendship, that no one could break,

Not even the years we spent apart could test our fate.

Looking back on the decades we’ve spent together,

I know we will be by each others side forever and ever.

You bring me comfort, you always know just what to say,

and you make me smile, even miles away.

Your husband is lucky to call you his wife,

and your son will be proud to call you mother,

but to me you are more special than words can describe,

because to me you are like no other!

I was fortunate to meet you,

I have felt privileged to know you.

And although we come from different trees,

family is what you will always be to me.

Love you to the moon and back!

The Baptism

“Every good and perfect gift is from above…” 

James 1:17 

Almost a year has passed since we first found out my SIL was pregnant, and it’s funny how things turn out to be sometimes...

I never wrote anything about this before, but when the announcement was made last summer I was completely torn apart and devastated by it. I was extremely happy for the parents-to-be, but I was already so sensitive and fragile about our own TTC situation at the time that it put me into a pretty dark place for quite some time. Everything that I was already feeling intensified, things that I had buried were uncovered and a mixture of new emotions appeared as well.

It took me a while to get out of my own head and deal with the issues in front of me/us but, looking back now, I believe it was that downward spiral that actually helped propel us forward and get us to where we are today. Sometimes you need to hit bottom to get back up again!

My faith in science and medicine is far stronger than my beliefs in blessings or miracles, and I have no faith in “a higher power” where TTC is concerned. But I do believe in love, I know that I have nothing if I have no hope and most of all I do believe that we will succeed one of these days! And I think in a small way, this little girl helped restore those feelings for me.

And, with that said, on May 18th, DH and I officially became Godparents to niece #2! Ok, so technically he became the Godfather and I became a "Witness" since I am not Catholic, but whatever! I commissioned a special card to commemorate the occasion (pictured below with a link to the designer) and put together a gift basket including a beautiful cross that sort of resembles a butterfly too, a gift certificate to have her ears pierced, a set of Cinderella and The Fairy Godmother books, and a little stuffed animal for her to cuddle.

And, in addition, I was able to add to my Tiffany jewellery collection! One down, so many more to go... I love it, thank you!

Thank you both once again for giving us this gift and honor! It was our pleasure.

 

Just ME prints & paper designs

Turning Over A New Leaf

It is hard to believe I have maintained this blog for four whole years now. And not only have I maintained it, but I am trying to expand on it as well! In the beginning I thought that I would be writing only for myself and that nobody would read this, but every time I check Google Analytics (which tracks and reports a number of details for me) I am pleasantly surprised to see that not only a few people visit my blog, but hundreds from all around the globe! I am just a tiny little fish in a big ocean, but it feels good!

So, nearly a year ago I wrote that we were looking into different options regarding treatment because I was no longer happy with the public hospital system and lack of care. Ok, that was putting it mildly; I was beyond pissed and completely fed up of being a number! There, I said it! I also said that I would not be sharing too many details publically about treatment in the future, at least in the beginning, and I am sticking to that but I wanted to share a little bit of good news in the meantime.

We did in fact look into other options last August, and we ended up at a semi-private clinic with a doctor I had previously met at the hospital who I liked very much. It was actually this doctor that convinced me to go for IVM vs. IVF way back when. He was happy to take our case on and we have met a number of times since, and always on time! While I am extremely happy with the clinic itself, I have to redo all of my tests before we can go ahead with anything else and that has been a bit frustrating. Of course, since it is semi-private we need to pay for everything we do, but that was to be expected and we are ok with that. What bothers me is that I seem to have developed a bit of anxiety towards the whole process.

Every time I go for a test, other than blood tests, I get extremely nervous and anxious in the days leading up to it; like, even seeing my regular Gynecologist made me squirm. I have had a couple of ultrasounds already to confirm that I still have PCOS (duh!), we will be doing a mock-transfer (yes, you read that correctly – a pretend embryo transfer to see if there will be any future challenges) and another sonohystogram in the near future (Google that one, I hate it).

Even having been through the whole process many times before, knowing what each step involves and having access to better pain medication through the private facility I still get weird about it! I sincerely hope that I get over this fast because I want to enjoy this process as much as possible and not grow fearful of it… sigh.

Writer’s Block?

I keep telling myself that I just have writer’s block, something I have experienced countless times before, but I think my problem is actually the contrary. Over the last couple of months I have drafted numerous blog entries (yes, I do pre-write for quiet times or just to get things off my chest), come up with many ideas for new things to write about, spoken to a few people about guest blogging, and more… yet I have been posting less!

 Clearly this blog has gone off focus for some time now, from where it began anyway, but that doesn’t mean that my focus in real life has in the least. I do plan do get this space back on sync with everything that is going on sooner rather than later, but I am just not ready yet; I need a little bit more time for that. Maybe that’s the block? Maybe because I am not ready to write about what I created this space for, I just can’t seem to write about anything? Or maybe I just can’t focus because I have wandered off into too many ideas?

I honestly miss writing half of the time. And not just blogging; creative writing, poetry, short stories… things I always used to do. I was half considering taking a writing class the other day just so that I could explore that side of my creativity again. Then I looked into it and asked myself when I ever needed a class to write! It sounds kind of ridiculous, no? Mind you, lately I can’t even stick to one simple book to read so maybe writing is a stretch. I used to read a book every week or two but now I have a pile on my e-reader and on my bookshelf, waiting, and I can’t seem to get into any of them.

I have also been dealing with insomnia for the last week or so again, but that is because DH is away. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour and instead I end up doing all kinds of things that I know will keep me up. Right now, it is nearly an hour after I wanted to go to bed and instead I was fixing some of the backend of my blog, listening to a new album I got (Lorde – Pure Heroine) and writing this entry. None of which are anywhere near the idea of sleep!

And on that note, I really do need to get to bed! Maybe I need to jot down all of my ideas and try to get them into some sense of order so that I can focus on them better. But not tomorrow, because DH is coming home! Yay! No more insomnia!

Goodnight, for real this time...

March Madness 2014

Is it already the end of March? Looking outside, it feels like Winter is only beginning. Can we get another Christmas (2 week break included)? It has been so cold this year and the snow never seems to end! But everyone keeps telling me I am not allowed to complain since we just got back from vacation!

We normally go away for 7 days in February, but that never seems long enough so I was happy to find a good price for 10 days in March instead. It fell right on our anniversary week too so it seemed like a great idea! And it was, except that I now realize that 14 days wouldn't be too long as I had previously thought! You know what that means, right? Honestly though, it was great. The weather was beautiful except for about a day of rain, and it was a resort we have been to before and love so it really felt like going home; knowing our way around, seeing familiar faces, and settling in almost immediately. We made the most of our extra days there for sure!

DH is going to NYC next week, but only overnight. I toyed with the idea of going and extending our stay there but since we just got back and everything I decided to stay home. He is being sent to Tiffany's for me though! I figured I would save on airfare and spend the money there instead!

With March going by so fast we never made it to the Sugar Shack when we usually go. Because of some recent developments health wise, part of me knows I shouldn't be going but the rest of me is shouting "go and enjoy, in moderation"... guess which side won that argument? We will be going next week! As usual, I sent an open invitation to a bunch of people so we will see what happens; we have been as little as 2 and as many as 20 people in the past with that kind of planning!

Your Right To Vote!

I admit that, in the past, I have not always run to the polls to exercise my right to vote. And, generally speaking, I never faced any regrets afterwards because things always turned out the way I would have voted anyhow. But, looking back, this was dumb. The decision to not vote could have had negative consequences, and it is a decision that far too many people choose to make unfortunately. Every vote counts!

I don’t like to talk politics, and rarely do, but I have to say that our current “government” is ruining La Belle Province in my opinion!

Canada is a democratic society. What is democracy? According to Wikipedia, “Democracy is a form of government in which all eligible citizens participate equally—either directly or indirectly through elected representatives—in the proposal, development, and creation of laws. It encompasses social, religious, cultural, ethnic and racial equality, justice, liberty and fraternity.”

Unfortunately, I don’t think our current government got that information! Forget the current disaster of our healthcare system and our economics for a minute. Trying to create laws banning people from wearing religious symbols? Sanctioning people for speaking English in Canada? Attempting to restrict access to English schooling? And, last but not least, an agenda to hold a referendum to separate too?

Enough is enough!

I have health issues, and I couldn’t care less about what you are wearing on your head or around your neck when you are treating me so long as you know what you are doing.

I was raised with both French AND English in my everyday life; school, church, extra-curricular activities, neighborhood, friends and family. And in my adult life, I am now beginning to add more and more Italian and Spanish to my repertoire too. And this is now being seen as a crime? You know, studies have shown that people who speak more than one language are smarter and there are many benefits of bilingualism. Google it, there are studies worldwide that support this! Clearly someone (points to government) needs to learn a second language! Why not try English?

And telling me where I can and cannot send my future children to school, based solely on language? I’m sorry, but I would rather pay exorbitant amounts of private school fees to an English school than have my child’s education dictated to me. Ironically, until recently, I always said I would send my future children to a French school but I no longer have faith in what they will be taught in that system if the current government is any example or their teachings.

And about separating from Canada… this just makes me laugh. I was only 16 years old when the last referendum on sovereignty was held and I remember having to write a paper about the possibility of separation and how I felt about it. And you know what I wrote? I said that if Quebec were stupid enough to separate, the rest of Canada wouldn’t bat an eyelash. And when Quebec desperately came crawling back to ask for help, because it could not sustain itself, Canada would have no problem turning their backs on Quebec and refusing to take them back and I don’t blame them! The only problem with that is that I fully believe if that were to happen, the USA would buy us out and I don’t know what would be worse… to be a former Canadian or to be American!

So, to wrap up… if you have been like me and opted not to vote a few times in the past – this is not the time for that nonsense! And if you have never voted before, there is a first time for everything! If you don't vote, then you don't get the right to complain about the results afterwards! We look at other countries around the world on the news every day and criticize their dictatorships and wish them well, all while we throw away our own rights and freedoms because we do not see their value… don’t let us become one of them!

Proud Canadian… but a not so proud Quebecer at the moment!

Call Me, Maybe? Or Don't...

Have you ever noticed that there are some people that only seem to be in your life for their own benefit? Like, they seem to enjoy being associated with you (or something about you) but they don’t really ever take the time to get to know you, personally? In recent weeks I have seen a few of these situations go too far and it really bothered me even though I wasn’t the one directly affected because we have all been there at some point!

For example, referring to someone a good friend (and going one step farther to use them as a reference) because they have a certain name and/or status within a specific community but you really don’t know anything personal about them unless it has been posted it on social media.

Or when you are personally going through something life changing and then, often through curiosity, a bunch of “old friends” come out of the woodwork and you think that you have a new found support system… until the intrigue has worn off, they all disappear, and then you are back on your own again.

Or it could be as simple as you have something they don’t, so they call when they need it and you never hear from them otherwise!

Speaking of calling, with all the technology advancements we have today I have always found it amazing how some people’s phones only seem to be able to RECEIVE calls (sarcasm intended).

Sometimes I think we need to ask ourselves if we want/need a particular person or if they are simply satisfying a specific want/need. And vice-versa, does this person really want me in their life or am I just satisfying a need for them? Don’t get me wrong, if that is ok for you then by all means continue… but in many cases, personally, I don’t care for it.

I think I have done a pretty good job of removing these relationships from my life over the years and I don’t plan to welcome them back any time soon. I would rather have one true friend, than a hundred of those listed above… and thankfully, I am blessed to have MANY true friends!

We Are The Godparents!

On Saturday, DH and I went for brunch with his brother and our SIL and they asked us to be godparents to our niece! Technically, DH will be the godparent since he is Catholic and I am not, but I get to be a "Christian Witness" according to things I read on-line. Pfft! I am a Disney fan, so I will just consider myself to be her Fairy Godmother instead! Where's my wand?

I kind of had a pretty good feeling that we were going to be asked and, at first, I was nervous because of the whole non-Catholic uncertainty of it all, but now I am gong to have fun with it!

And, my super powers have already been put to use! My SIL was shopping for curtains for my nieces bedroom and could only find one panel, but I was able to find a matching one buried at the back of the pile! Godmother to the rescue!

Ok, ok, so this is kind of exciting - even for the Protestant Aunt!

Updates From Holland: A Guest Blog By Colton’s Mom

Back in September 2013 I shared a story with all of you titled “Welcome to Holland” in reference to a very special little boy, close to my heart, but I never shared any details about why I wrote this post… until now.

This little boy is my sisters’ son, and my only nephew. He was born September 1st, 2013 and his name is Colton. Soon after being born he was diagnosed with Wolf–Hirschhorn Syndrome (WHS) and his main challenge so far has been with Hypotonia. Every day is a new day, but from what I have seen he is doing amazingly well considering his original prognosis! He seems to be at the lower end of the spectrum and with all of the help and support he has around him, he will succeed! And I couldn’t be prouder of my little sister; she has also been a trooper through all of this and she is one of the best mommies I have ever known!

So, why am I sharing all of this five months later? Well, soon after I mentioned my idea of having guest bloggers, my sister jumped on the bandwagon and wanted to be heard! And without further ado, here is her first posting!

"How do I do it?"

I have been asked a few times "how do I do it?", and I never quite know how to respond. I normally just smile and reply something along the lines of "because I have to." But once I have time to ponder the question (of course this is after the conversation is over), I always have a great response.

How do I do what? How do I care for my son? How do I handle all the stress of juggling doctors and therapy appointments, remembering to give him all his medication daily, keeping his feeds on schedule, trying my best to never forget anything he needs when we leave the comfort of our home? Or, how do I deal with the looks from strangers when we are out in public and I whip out his feeding tube to feed him? Or maybe they are asking how I will help him with all the insecurities he'll have from being different when he's older?

What is it that they want to know exactly?

The problem is not the question. The problem is that they are asking the wrong person. I do what I have to do because he is my son. I do everything for him because I am his mom. He needs me. He relies on me. I do these things because I love him.

The real question is... how does HE do it? How does he handle all of the pain and stress from his rare syndrome? He is the one taking all the medications; I simply give it to him. He's the one eating from a feed tube; I simply mix the formula for him. He's the one being poked and prodded during doctors’ appointments and surgeries; I simply drive him there and offer to comfort him the best I can. And even when the looks from strangers casting pity or confusion are directed towards him; I can only offer him love and show him that no matter how different a person looks, we are all the same inside!

So my answer is… because he is simply amazing! He is so strong and so brave with great determination for such a little boy. Some days are better than others, but isn't that how it is for everyone? I don't know... how do YOU do it?

By: Colton’s Mom

Spring Cleaning

This was posted by Virgin Radio on Facebook this morning and I had to share. It's so true!!!

A LIST of Things you must GET RID of in your house! Guilty! Can you add to the list? Consider this your guide to start.

The near-empty ice cream carton in the freezer
The extra packet of buttons that came with a cardigan
The ratty towel you've been using in lieu of a bath mat
Holiday cards
The treasure trove of plastic grocery bags under your sink
Promotional mugs or glasses that came free with a meal
Piles of ticket stubs, old transit passes, etc., to concerts, movies and places you don't really remember going to in the first place
Any receipts that have accumulated in your pockets or purse (unless it's something you'll need come tax time)
All the stacks of magazines you haven't touched in months
Old invitations for things
Anything you've agreed to take from your parents'
Journals, notebooks and other writing pads you've used maybe twice and then given up on
Paperback novels that didn't change your life
VHS tapes, cassettes and DVDs
Expired medicines
Office supplies you never use, such as pens that no longer work
Old batteries
Instruction manuals for appliances you know how to use
Near-empty booze bottles containing one pathetic shot
Miscellaneous cables, cords and wires
The weird secret stash of chopsticks acquired from all those times the sushi place thought you were ordering for 4 people, not 1
The stash of duck sauce, ketchup, hot mustard and soy sauce packets

Paying It Forward & Guest Bloggers

This was originally posted on Facebook, but I have decided to do this a little bit differently. The original said "the first five people to comment on this status will receive, from me, sometime in the next calendar year, a gift - perhaps a book, or baked goods, something homemade, a candle, music - just a surprise! There will likely be no warning and it will happen whenever the mood strikes me. The CATCH? Those 5 people MUST make the same offer on their Facebook status".

I am going to do this, for myself; and not because Facebook told me to do so! I generally do this kind of thing anyhow, but I will make my five things a little bit more special somehow. And yes, I will inform those five people that this is my pay it forward and if they choose to play along then great! If not, I am fine with that too!  I already have some ideas in mind, I just need to execute them! 

Another thing I had in mind was to let other people guest blog here. I was actually approached by someone about this some time ago and never followed-up. Better late than never! So, if you are interested just let me know! Maybe if you decide to pay it forward with me, you could share here? Just a thought!

A Quote From Paulo Coelho

How Did It Get to Be 'OK' for People to Be Late for Everything?

I stumbled across this article recently and I couldn’t agree more!

Baring an emergency, the only time I will happily accept lateness is when TTC and AF hasn’t made an appearance, and if she was simply late for no reason I will be pissed! Seriously though, it drives me crazy that people just don’t seem to care. Someone I work with actually leaves his house at the time a meeting is supposed to begin in the office… and no, I am not exaggerating! I have always been punctual; this is the way I was brought up and I don’t think that it is too much to expect from others.

As always, I have edited for length. The full post first appeared on The Savage Truth.

… I don't care if I sound old-fashioned, because actually it's nothing to do with 'fashion' or 'generation'. It's got everything to do with basic good manners and respect for other people.

So here goes... How did it get to be "OK" for people to be late for everything?

Because as far as I am concerned, it's not OK.

In recent years it seems that a meeting set to start at 9 am, for some people means in the general vicinity of any time which starts with the numeral '9'. Like 9.30 for example.

People drift in at 9.10 or 9.20, or even later. And they smile warmly at the waiting group, as they unwrap their bacon sandwich, apparently totally unconcerned that others have been there since five to nine, prepared and ready to start...

And an arrangement to meet someone for a business meeting at a coffee shop at 3 pm, more often than not means at 3.10 you get a text saying 'I am five minutes away' which inevitably means 10 minutes, and so you wait for 15 or 20 minutes, kicking your heels in frustration…

And it's not only business.

Why do people, invited for a dinner party at 7.30, think it's cool to arrive at 8.30? It's rude. It's inconsiderate. And it's selfish… Three "ladies who lunch"… were chatting loudly at the table next to me. One inquired what time the 'drinks do' was that night. The reply for all the world to hear was 'Oh 7.30, but we won't get there till 9 because by then it will have warmed up and all the interesting people will have arrived'. Nice. Imagine if everyone took that view. Cocktail parties would start at 3 am eventually.

Or a dinner at a restaurant where I was meeting two other couples. My wife was away, so I was flying solo. I arrived at two minutes to eight for an eight o'clock booking. At 8.20, I was into my second glass of Pinot and at half-past I got a text saying 'on the way'. We finally were all seated at 8.45. There were not even attempted excuses from either of the two couples, who seemed oblivious to the fact I might actually have got there at the agreed time. Meanwhile I had put a huge dent in the bottle of Pinot, and was ready to go home.

And it is not that we lead 'busy lives'. That's a given, we all do, and it's a cop out to use that as an excuse. It's simply that some people no longer even pretend that they think your time is as important as theirs. And technology makes it worse. It seems texting or emailing that you are late somehow means you are no longer late.

Rubbish.

You are rude. And inconsiderate...

Me? Am I ever late? Sure, sometimes. That's inevitable even with the best intentions. But I never plan to be late. I never 'let time slide' because my stuff is more important than yours.

I am not talking about the odd occasion of lateness. I am talking about people who are routinely late. In fact, never on time. You know who I am talking about!...

F*ck Cancer

For reasons that are not completely clear to me, we always celebrated my father-in-laws birthday on December 2nd, but his birth certificate listed the 17th as his actual birth date. On December 17, 2013 my father-in-law turned 64 and my sister-in-law gave birth to our second niece; officially, they shared a birthday! They were released from the hospital the following day and while everyone was ready to race over and visit, I wanted to give them space… but I am so glad, for once, that we didn’t wait. 

Just a few days later, my father-in-law ended up in hospital with side effects from an aggressive chemo treatment. The effects were so bad, he was there straight through until New Year’s Eve. He was released from the hospital around dinner time, but he was re-admitted about 24 hours later.

I don’t want to list all of the details here, but he never left the hospital again. That last week was a rollercoaster. Initially we were told he may go into palliative care so DH flew home from California immediately. And then they gave everyone hope with the talk of radiation. But lastly, they suggested morphine and said it was only a matter of time… less than 10 hours to be precise. 

On January 17th, 2014 he lost his battle with cancer. Just one month after his 64th birthday. He did not go down without a fight, and he was as stubborn as ever. His extended family visited his bedside all evening, and his immediate family stayed through the night. I still don’t know how I coped with it, but I stood by while DH held his hand even during those last few breaths. And somehow watching him die, relatively peacefully, brought closure and I am happy that I fought my fears and stayed there – both for him and for DH. 

This was not how we wanted to see him go. It wasn’t his time. He didn’t deserve this, and neither does his family. I understand that his pain is over now, and he will no longer suffer, but I wanted him to meet his grandchildren… our future children. I wanted him to be a big part of their lives, and it makes me so angry that he will not have that opportunity. He won’t get to see the son that he raised become a father… and that devastates me. He would have wanted to be there, and it won’t be the same without him.