Go With The Flo

For 10 whole years, a decade, I waited (im)patiently month after month for some sign of fertility… namely, Aunt Flo. And, month after month, nothing… nada… zip. Now, 7 months postpartum, she is possibly showing signs of her arrival. Really? Now when I no longer require your services you decide to show up? Is this really necessary?

Dream Diary: Legend

There is a Japanese legend (actually, don’t quote me on the origin) which says that “when you can't sleep at night it's because you're awake in someone else's dream”. If this is really true, then a lot of people must hate me right now!

Lately, my nights have been filled with dream after dream about people I know; some very realistic and others clearly fiction. Close friends and family as well as people who I haven’t seen in years and I would never expect to appear in a dream, but there they are all just as clear as though I had seen them yesterday. I blame Facebook for this!

So in the event that this legend is true, my apologies to those who I have been keeping up at night!

Dream Diary: “Disneylands”

Ah, hormones. One pill, just one! And this is what my brain does? Disney characters in a Borderlands-like video game mixed with Roger Rabbit?? Here we go…

Dream Diary: Not Jersey!

Here we go again… I know that “New Jersey” has come up a few times in the last week, but never negatively so I am not sure what happened here. My apologies, in advance, New Jersey!

Dream Diary: Walk Of Shame

“Make the elevator come a little faster.
I'm pushing all the buttons but nothing's happening
Please, God, don't let anybody see me
Please, God, I'll do anything you ask me
I promise no more walks of shame”
Pink – Walk Of Shame Lyrics

What is going on inside my head this week? I have had a number of weird dreams recently and I am starting to think they will all be melding into one larger dream soon and I am starting to hate this process. Huh? Wait, what?

Ok, let me explain… As I mentioned once before, my dreams have a tendency to do a strange cinematography, time-lapse effect thingy. Very descriptive, I know. Basically, I will dream in fragments and often different pieces will happen on different nights. Once I put them all together they flow more smoothly. Kind of like a puzzle I guess. Sometimes only seconds are missing and other times a whole chunk could be gone. I had a recurring dream once that lasted well over a year that I was able to put together into a short story by the time it was done; only it never really had an ending - yet. I am usually able to connect where these fragments originated from in my day to day life, but not always.

So, what’s going on?

DH is away for work right now so I am a work-widow once again. Wonderful timing, but this is usually when my mind starts playing little tricks on me. I have been sleeping with an extra blanket since the weekend and for some reason I got tangled in it the other night. I woke up, but only partially, and it felt like someone was wrapped around me or draped over me. It felt almost heavy, like DH was actually there. I fixed the blanket and went back to sleep but when I woke up I could have sworn someone had actually been in bed with me over night…

And then, the other night I mentioned to a friend that I get paranoid when DH is away so I always put the alarm on. This then parlayed into another weird dream where I asked a co-worker to spend the night in my house with me because I was afraid to be alone and somehow this turned into me agreeing to stay at his house, closer to work, because it was more convenient. Fast forward and I am pulling a “walk of shame” out of his condo the following morning, to the elevator which isn’t working (see lyrics above to a song I have been listening to a lot lately) so I take the stairs and run into the friend I had talked to the other night. She pulls me into her place and gives me a whole “what do you think you’re doing” scolding and that was when I woke up.

Now I am questioning if the blanket thing ever really happened or if it was part of this dream creeping in out of place. And, what happened from the time I agreed to go with the co-worker until my “walk of shame” moment, or do I not want to know? I really wish there were a way to record what happens in your dreams because I swear no one would believe me half of the time!

Anyhow, I love my DH and I would never do anything to hurt him so this was definitely FAR FROM REAL!I wonder what will happen in my dreams tonight...

Dream Diary: Madonna

"I went to New York. I had a dream. I wanted to be a big star.
I didn’t know anybody. I wanted to dance. I wanted to sing.
I wanted to do all those things. I wanted to make people happy.
I wanted to be famous. I wanted everybody to love me.
I wanted to be a star. I worked really hard and my dream came true."  

Madonna 

Not sure how this came about, but yesterday my dreams brought me back to NYC in the strangest way. OK, actually NYC has come up a lot lately so maybe that’s why, but it still makes absolutely no sense!

For some reason I was walking around town with Madonna like we were casual friends!?! We were chatting about nothing in particular, wandering from one landmark to another, all while being followed by annoying paparazzi that we completely ignored. We started in Times Square and then we wandered and zigzagged all the way up to Central Park. Once at the park, we followed the paths up to the main gates of the Central Park Zoo. We even stopped at Magnolia’s for a cupcake and later we were eating pizza in the park. For some reason we both kept checking the time as well because we didn’t want to be late for something that was happening at “the townhouse” (she has one on the Upper East Side), which would explain the path we were taking (Note: I think I spend too much time in NYC since I knew my way up there even in a dream).

As usual, my dreams tend to “time lapse” themselves so this was all fragmented when it happened. I have no clue what I was thinking, but I can honestly say that a 25 block walk plus a stroll in the park was way easier in my head than it was on foot! I did this exact path last spring with shopping in between and I was pooped by the time I got to those gates! Also, I have never been further than the zoo on that side of the park by foot so I think that is why we stopped where we did; my brain could no longer “see” where to go.

Anyhow…. strange… I know!

Dream Diary: The Dreaded Dentist

Now that I have told you all about my dental drama, I will explain that I am either clairvoyant or I jinxed myself! A couple of weeks ago I was prescribed Percocet for recurring migraines as all other medications had failed. I am not a fan of the idea of Percocet but last week I caved and took one because I was just in too much pain! And I learned something… it isn’t only hormone medication that gives me wild dreams, painkillers do too!

In the first dream I was in the dentist chair with a bunch of people staring down at me and poking around my mouth. At this time the dentist said I was going to need an emergency root canal and I lost it! I was terrified. To make things worse, DH left me there all alone and didn’t say where he was going so while I was suffering and in pain (apparently no one bothered to freeze me for the root canal) I was also trying to call out for DH to save me. Finally, the root canal was over and when I looked up DH was standing there with a bunch of balloons from my favorite party store. He said something like “you always say no one ever buys you balloons so I thought these would help cheer you up”! I guess overall this was a sweet gesture, but if this ever happened in real life just hold my hand please (or knock me out)!

Now, the next morning I was convinced that I had woken up during the night panicking and that DH had gotten up and got me water and everything. I went to apologize to him and say thank you for being so sweet but, here’s the thing, he said that it never happened! I thought he was joking because the memory was so clear in my mind but he swore I never made a peep. Creepy!

Last night I had to take more painkillers, thanks to my dentist, so I took Toradol figuring Percocet was overkill. And, while I was right, it had the same effect in my dreams! I think it was related to a conversation I had earlier in the day or that somehow the conversation triggered it. In either case, I am NOT sharing this one! This doesn’t mean it’s dirty, it just means I am not sharing so get your minds out of the gutter!

Dream Diary: Three Little Dreams

I am sure there are many dreams to share between the last one I wrote about and now but these all took place last week, consecutively, and they were too bizarre not to share…

First dream: I somehow find out that LM is my BIRTH mother. I confront her about it and I find out the reason she came into my life years ago was because she realized she had made a mistake giving me away and she wanted to know that I was ok, but she was too afraid to tell me all this time that she really was my mother. I was livid and beyond angry. I said all kinds of horrible things to her. I told her I hated her and wanted nothing to do with her ever again. And then I woke up feeling awful and actually felt a need to apologize to LM for being so mad at her in my dream! Thankfully, she found this amusing and was not upset.

Second dream: LM and I get into the car after work and she turns to me and says “I have something to tell you”. She then starts to tell me that she and her husband are getting divorced, they are heading in different directions, they have different interests… and I have a breakdown about it. Again, totally NOT going to happen!

Third dream: DH and I are asleep and I feel something jump up on the bed. I assume one of the cats got into the bedroom but when I look up there is a miniature goat staring at us! I shove DH and say there’s a goat in the bed but he just moans. He finally rolls over and sits up, coming face to face with the goat! He looks at me and repeats “there’s a goat in the bed” and, before I can say anything else, the goat bleats really loud and runs out of the room!

Never a dull moment, huh?

Dream Diary: Where Are We?

Generally, I do not have crazy, wild, vivid dreams… I swear! In fact, I usually don’t remember anything I have dreamt at all. But, add some hormones into the mix and things start to get a little livelier! Whether it is simple birth control or fertility meds/injections, my imagination seems to go into overdrive! The more I am on, the crazier the dreams… and trust me, they can get a little out there! Thankfully, they are mild right now.

Over the years I have shared some of these dreams with friends here and there, usually because one of them were in the dream, but I think I may start to post some of them here from time to time. I am not a huge believer that your dreams have hidden meanings and parallels to your life so I don’t read too much into them… but they can be quite amusing. And no, I will not be using people’s real names! A girl has to keep some things private. Besides, it adds a little bit of mystery too! Let's just hope I can keep track of everyone...

So, for starters, here’s an older dream that I still find amusing… and, keep in mind, I was LOADED (on hormones) at the time so I don’t know what I was thinking! It was so vivid I thought I was there…. I remember waking up lost that morning! 

This dream took place on some sort of resort or resort-like property. I actually know which resort my brain modeled it off of but I am not sure why it did. Anyhow, I seemed to be alone but there were people nearby that I knew very well; EF (and her child) as well as KD. We were all sitting by the pool, but separately, and the pool was full of people I would consider acquaintances and co-workers. I was all torn up about something and I was hiding my tears behind huge sunglasses while reading a book. KD saw me crying and came to comfort me, but the whole time I could see EF was “keeping watch” over us in the distance and she would not let us out of her sight. KD saw this as well, grabbed my hand, smiled and we started to run through the property up to the main road. I remember looking back and seeing EF chasing us but we lost her somehow. Also, it was hot and sunny by the pool, but cool and dark up by the road for some reason so KD wrapped his towel around me. Flash forward (literally, my dreams tend to time-lapse forward quickly, almost like a fast forward button – weird, I know) and I am waking up in a strange room that I still do not recognize. I get out of bed and wander around noticing that a patio door is open and when I walk over to it I see that it is a “swim out”. KD is sitting on the ledge with his feet in the water and he hands me a drink. We hardly look at one another and we say nothing. Flash forward again and we are sitting eating breakfast together in soaking wet bathing suits, laughing and joking. Then a weird “Groundhog Day” thing happens and I keep replaying the latter part of my dream over and over again, from waking up to eating breakfast, until suddenly it stops with a pounding at the front door. KD gets up to open it and EF is standing there in her best “celebrity” look; high heels, dark glasses, expensive jewelry and all. She looks at her watch, taps it and gives KD a nasty look of death. He simply looks down at the floor, waves her into the room and she walks straight over to me and grabs me by the hand (here we go again) and we leave… once again, nothing said, so I can only assume that I was there for days? Maybe, maybe not? Who knows! 

This may not seem overly weird when you read this, but if you are able to put the pieces together and connect the dots as to who everyone is then you will see why this, to me, was really bizarre and completely impossible! 

Till next time….

Dream Diary: Insomnia... Melatonin?

It has been about 3 weeks now that I can't sleep, not well anyhow. I tried hot milk (which worked for a bit and then stopped). Then I tried over the counter "sleep aids" which did nothing but clear my sinuses. And now I am trying Melatonin...

After a lot of Google searches and talking to people at work I decided that Melatonin might be worth a try. The pharmacist said that I could go up to 10mg but sold me the 3mg capsules so that I could play around with my dose and now I am conflicted.

I tried 3mg the first night and 6mg the next. It seems like both doses help me fall asleep, but neither of them keep me sleeping much past 2:30 in the morning (fun). I had no side effects from the 3mg but the 6mg gave me vivid dreams again (have you noticed that this seems to happen anytime I take anything hormonal). Oh, and not only did I get an interesting night of dreams from 6mg but I also got a wicked headache... at first I thought it was the Melatonin but I have since realized it was a sinus thing.

I guess overall I DID sleep a bit better on 6mg but it was also so restless because of the dreaming! How can you feel rested when your mind has been racing all night?

Anyhow, I took 3mg again last night to see how it would go and I didn't really notice anything at all... so I don't know. Maybe I should just down some whiskey before going to bed LOL.

Dream Diary: A “Charmed” Sleep

For Christmas, DH got me the “Charmed” DVD box set. I watched this series when it was on TV and, while I agree it was/is cheesy, I love it! Since I have frequently been a work widow the past couple of  months I have been plowing through the series, sometimes watching 3-4 shows a day… and I think I'm having side effects. 

In a nutshell, the series is about the Halliwell sisters who are good witches known as “The Charmed Ones”. Each of them starts off with one power and over the series they gain others but I am not really there yet. Right now Prue’s main power is telekinesis, Piper can freeze things and Phoebe has premonitions and levitates. 

So, why do I think I have side effects? Because a couple of weeks ago my dreams were overrun by magic! In my dream I was sitting in my home office when someone burst through my front door and I could see who they were through a premonition. Then, I reacted by slamming my laptop shut through telekinesis, running to the top of the stairs, freezing the intruder and then kicking him in the head while levitating. And this dream came back night after night in bits and pieces (which is the usual for me)!

I am still watching the DVD’s… but not as many episodes per day now!