Garage Sales Aren’t So Bad After All!

How on earth could I possibly have forgotten to write about this after telling everyone around me about it? I am really starting to lose my mind…

On Victoria Day weekend my neighbors were all having garage sales early in the morning. I was inside watching TV, not ready to face the day, and DH was outside chatting. He came in a couple of times to ask if I wanted to look at anything and I said no each time. Then he came inside again to tell me they were all done for the day and if I wanted anything it was my LAST chance… so I caved. And I am SO glad that I did!

I went out and saw a designer purse at the back of my neighbors table which intrigued me, but when I spoke to DH I told him it was probably a fake so I wasn’t interested – to which he responded I was shallow! Anyhow, she was tired of selling so she decided to donate everything that she had left to a local charity and started loading everything into garbage bags while we talked… including the purse! I jumped when I saw her throw it into a garbage bag and asked her to pull it out right away. Then I asked her if she knew if it was real or not. She said “this old thing? I have no idea… take it! I don’t want it”… Um…. Ok! Her husband came over so I asked him as well and he said that chances are it was real but he couldn’t say for sure. It was in pretty good shape so I offered her 20$ for it but she refused.

I ran inside with it right away and started the long process of authenticating the bag. First I found that it was real, then I was able to prove that it was possibly a fake, and then late at night (ok, like 1AM) I found all of the information I needed to prove that it was indeed AUTHENTIC! And VINTAGE! Later in the week I brought it in to work for “show and tell” and brought it to someone who knows these bags very well and she also agreed that it is definitely AUTHENTIC, and then went on and on about why I should use it right away and not keep it hidden in the closet.

So, I am now the proud owner of an AUTHENTIC LOUIS VUITTON, monogram vintage shoulder bag, Serial Number 822 (1982 – Feb) made in France! I need to get around to cleaning it and get over my weird issue about using it but it’s mine… ALL MINE! And I am in love!

Letting Go Isn't Easy

My closest friendship has been going strong for 25 years now, and a handful of others have been in my life for a good 10-12 years I would say. This doesn’t even include DH who I have known for over 15 years. But even though I don’t have many short term friends around, I have a few and the thought of severing some of those ties after investing so much over the last couple of years isn’t easy – even if I know I am doing it for the right reasons. 

My best friendships have always relied on balance; sharing the responsibilities of a friendship, equal give and take, the ability to communicate freely and uncensored along with continuous support and trust towards one another. After closer examination, my most strained friendships are – surprise, surprise – the complete opposite. In recent years I seem to have attracted a number of people who have needed my help for one reason or another, but once this need was met it wasn’t always clear if I had served my purpose and could now move on or if our arrangement had become more over time. So, some of these circumstances have turned into friendships, but others have turned into very strained situations and I can finally see that now. 

In my last post I mentioned an article in Squidoo. This article had a few questions you could ask yourself about when to end a friendship: Do I feel better after meeting up? Does this friend bring out the best in me? Is this friend a positive influence on my life? When I haven't been in touch, how do I feel? Do we both make an effort? I have asked myself these questions, and many more, about a couple of friendships I have been unsure of in the last few months and sometimes my own answers have surprised me. But, where do I go from here? 

I wouldn’t say that I am afraid to acknowledge conflict; it’s more like I know these people so well that I realize what I have to say will hurt their feelings and that is what I am trying to avoid. I appreciate it when people are blunt with me and just get to the point so that we can go on from there, but not everyone can take that. After years of knowing them it still seems like they need everything to be sugar coated, and I don’t do that very well! But, honestly, how do you even sugar coat something like “you can be a good friend, on the rare occasions that you try, but you’re certainly not the greatest”? 

I guess it’s also worth mentioning that I have recently re-kindled a couple of old friendships and it feels odd, or maybe it feels right, but I feel more connected to those old friends (who I haven’t really seen or known since high school) than I do some of my newer friends. They just seem to “fit” me better and I don’t feel like I am sacrificing my own happiness to be around them; quite the contrary actually! 

I don’t know… letting go isn’t easy, but neither is holding on!

It’s Not Me, It’s You… Or Is It Us?

Ahh it’s that time of year again it seems; time to re-visit demons!

Friendships are a lot like relationships; they take time to develop, you want to find the right fit, and they need to be nurtured in ordered to grow. Some are harder to maintain than others, but with a little effort they can become just as strong over time! And, inevitably, some will simply fall apart – and then what? In a romantic relationship there is usually (hopefully) a clear “break-up process”, but what about in a friendship? Is there a system, guide, or plan for that? Well, after lots of Googling, I discovered there is NO protocol for cutting off a friendship. There are hints and tips galore, but no set of plans to follow. Too bad, because I have a couple of situations that could really use some sort of action plan right now! Anyhow, I did find a few helpful articles while searching and decided to share. See below (excerpt only, full articles linked).

Is It Time to End That Friendship? By Barbara Graham - O Magazine

There's no real protocol for cutting off a friendship - which can lead to a whole lot of confusion...

I have this friend, Sarah. Since meeting in our thirties, we've shared many of life's essentials: hairdressers, dog-walkers, phobias (airplanes and mice), health scares, worries over our kids, and insomnia caused by husbands who snore. But lately I'm aware that whenever Sarah calls I feel a tightness in my chest and, more often than not (thanks to caller ID), I don't pick up the phone. I feel guilty, but that's preferable to spending hours listening to Sarah complain. I've been meaning to tell her how I feel, but I haven't quite worked up the nerve. Most of the time I feel like a bad boyfriend.

Then there's Natalie, whom I fell in love with when I was 9 (Blogger note: This does NOT refer to my BFF, although it is eerily similar at first). We became inseparable and, at one point, I secretly tried to find out if it was possible to be adopted by your best friend's family if your own parents were still alive. It wasn't until college and post collegiate life on opposite sides of the country that we drifted apart. But we never lost touch and, years later, when I moved with my husband to the city where Natalie lives, she seemed thrilled... Then, after about six months, Natalie suddenly stopped calling, and whenever I tried to make a date she claimed she was too busy and got off the phone, fast. To this day—ten years later—I have no idea why she gave me the boot…

It is strange that friendships, which nourish and sustain us and often provide our deepest source of connection, lack the sort of standards that are routine in romantic relationships. If your significant other stops calling, makes impossible demands, or treats you like roadkill, you deal with it. It may not be easy—you may put it off—but eventually you'll find out where you stand. Not so with friends…

Sadly, many friendships end needlessly because we're afraid to acknowledge conflict…

Despite our best intentions, talking doesn't always repair the rift: Not everyone is able to listen without becoming defensive or blaming the other person. Feelings stirred up by a close friend often echo unresolved issues from childhood, like sibling rivalry or fear of abandonment, and unless those feelings are acknowledged, no amount of discussion can save the relationship…

Bottom line: There's no single template for friendship. Some people are in our lives because they carry a precious shard of our history, while others reflect our passions and priorities right now. Still others are in danger of becoming ex-friends because we're either too preoccupied to pick up the phone or too scared to speak our minds. As Virginia Woolf said, "I have lost friends, some by death—others through sheer inability to cross the street"…

Here are a couple more articles that are just too long to post:

How to end a friendship: Six tips to doing it gracefully - Chatelaine Magazine

When to end a friendship - Squidoo

The Pain of Infertility on Mother's Day

This was originally posted on www.fertilityauthority.com. Once again, I edited so if you want to see the full thing please see here.

For those who are still trying to build their families, Mother's Day is not just for mothers. It's for the mother-to-be and for those still trying to build their families through fertility treatments, adoption, surrogacy, or other family building options. YOU ARE SPECIAL TOO! Think of it as a day to honor special women, which you all are. Make it a day all about you! 

It's not an easy day… Infertility is something that you never forget - it is who you are, where you've been and where your going! 

I know you want to celebrate the day with all your mom’s or reflect on the moms that have passed, but something else inside leaves you thinking when will it be your turn? It's upsetting and hard to keep a happy face on without the tears rolling down your eyes. It's bad enough that you see every Mother's Day commercial for flowers and chocolates, and babies are everywhere… 

Honoring those women who continue to have hope and dreams of motherhood… Read some quotes from others still traveling down the road of infertility. Baby dust to all! 

"This day can feel like you’re getting salt rubbed into your wounds."
"It hurts more, especially when you've just had a BFN and you're uber sensitive"

"Silence will whisper the thoughts that I feel on this day."
"My smile on the outside shows my pain on the inside for Mother's Day as every year passes me by!" 

My comments:

There are very few people who have seen my pain on Mother's Day, but this year has been different as it is already getting to me pretty hard. A couple of people are already very aware of how I am feeling right now! Salt rubbed into an open wound sums it up pretty well, especially since I have tears stinging at my eyes while I write this. Maybe it's because we haven't even tried in over a year, or maybe it's because I am not sure how much longer I can (and will have to) wait to try again. Whatever the reason, this day will come and go like all the others and hopefully by Monday I will be "normal" again.

Right now, the only thing keeping me positive is knowing that my sister and BFF will be celebrating her FIRST Mother's Day this year and I couldn't be happier for her if I tried. I am counting down the days until I get to see you for your baby shower and hopefully feel my nephew kick! I'm gonna buy him a soccer ball!

The "Yes Girl" Says NO!

I learned a lesson today and had to share... here, on Twitter, on Facebook and to anyone else who will listen it seems! They (insert employer here) never point the finger at someone who always says no. But, if you were always the "yes girl" and you START saying no, they (once again, insert employer here) notice. And, also, it really sucks...