Sex and the City

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Carrie Bradshaw - Sex and the City

So, whenever DH goes away I seem to go on DVD marathons. This time was with Sex and the City; the series not the movie. When this show first aired I didn't like it at all. Maybe I was too young. But, a few years ago when I was going through moments of insomnia, I would catch late night re-runs of the show on television and I fell in love. I bought the whole series on Ebay and had my first SATC marathon.

Since doing the tour in NYC a few months ago and watching the second movie I have wanted to watch them all over again so this was the perfect time; and it was absofuckinlutely fabulous (inside SATC vocabulary). The last episode, An American Girl in Paris: Part Deux, brought tears to my eyes as usual and made me want to watch them all over again... but that will have to wait because I just got Mad About You (season 4) and I have been waiting years for this! Why they have waited 3 years between DVD releases is beyond me. I guess it will take another 9 years before I have the complete series... and then I get to have a MAY marathon!

Please, Do Not Join the Club...

In the words of one of my neighbors, and a fellow PCOS inflicted woman, people who have been TTC for less than a year cannot possibly empathise with us; they can only give us sympathy. The problem is, they expect sympathy in return when we have nothing left to give of oursleves. They have no idea how "hard" getting pregnant can be. They have no idea how lucky they are to be TTC without a million hurdles in their way, only the regular fairytale of ups and downs and the more than likely happily ever after. They think that because they are TTC at the same time as we are that they are part of our "club", but our club does not take members who are young and healthy and living the dream. Our club requires initiation, and sometimes years of "hazing", and yes... emotional baggage.

I am part of this club, and honestly, I feel as though we have enough members already so there is no need to apply! Before I joined I thought I was the only one, but since then it seems as though everywhere I turn I find others. True members, who have gone through battle to get where they are now and have emotional scars to prove it. And then there are the girls who only think they belong in our club; the ones who have been living the fairytale and believe that they know what a struggle is. It's not that I don't feel for them, but after a few months of trying they honestly cannot understand what five years of trying can do to a person both physically and emotionally.  It sounds cruel, and possibly childish, but you don't belong in our club and I hope that you never, EVER, get a membership card.

I realize that this post is going to annoy a couple of people who read my blog, but it is not meant to hurt you. In the same way that you do not understand what it takes to be a member of our club, we do not understand why you want to be a part of it. People in my shoes envy you. We want your fairytale. We want your optimism. We want your naivety. And sometimes, we want your support to give us strength. But why would you want our sorrow? Our tears? Our frustration? Our lives? We understand that after a few months of TTC you think that your world is closing in on you; we get it, far more than you do. But, what you need to understand is that a few months can never compare to a few years... and that is why we will never truly be able to support each other; we speak different languages and we come from very different worlds.

For those of you who are already members, stay strong and stay hopeful. For those of you who are almost members, you are not alone. And, for those of you who think you belong after only a few months of TTC, wait another 6 months and then look into applying.

It's not day camp, it's not a picnic, and it's not a day at the park... it's a way of life. A way of life I never thought I would experience and would never wish on my worst enemy.

Getting Worse Before Getting Better

Since DH is gone I have been spending most of the evenings this last week in the living room, on the couch, with the laptop and my Sex and the City DVD's. It was my attempt to relax, however, a couple of night ago my shoulder decided to give out on me. I couldn't even lift my own purse (which I admit is heavy but not THAT heavy).

So, yesterday I went to the spa and treated myself to a deep tissue massage in an attempt to heal my shoulder. It was awesome... but I realized something; it wasn't just my shoulder. My back, neck, shoulders, arms, legs, feet... every inch of me was tense! Even the masseuse pointed it out and asked me why I let it get so bad. And you know what? I don't know; I guess I was just preoccupied and forgetting about ME again.

I left the spa feeling much better and my shoulder barely hurts now, but I am glad I made another appointment in a couple of weeks because I think all of the pain that was in my shoulder has spread over the rest of my back and neck and I feel as stiff as a board! The masseuse said I would probably feel worse before I feel better and boy did she know what she was talking about!

Since last night I have been chillin' with Bengay, my heating pad, and my Sex and the City. I have a somewhat busy weekend planned but today I am off work, home, alone, and relaxing! And it feels good! Oh, and I suddenly understand the appeal of having a hot tub because if I had one, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this right now!

 Note: On July 27 I started going to Physio for this problem and also re-arranged my whole office. Getting better now!

Happy Birthday to my Wonderful Hubby!

"A best friend is like a four leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have."

Sarah Jessica Parker

 

Once again, it's your birthday and we find ourselves on opposite ends of North America; me here at home and you, surrounded by palm trees in California. I realize that you are working and probably exhausted, but try and have a great day! Go and have a nice dinner tonight and top it off with a big piece of cake!

I love you, I miss you, and I am counting down the days until you come home.

Happy Birthday!

Just for Laughs

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

Charlie Chaplin

July has definitely been the FUNNIEST month I have had in a long time. I do not remember the last time I have laughed so hard and so often in the span of a couple of weeks. I am not kidding you, my chest hurts, but it’s a good feeling. For those of you who are not familiar with the Just for Laughs Festival, you do not know what you are missing! Last year we were not able to get to any shows but I think we made up for it this year!

July 3 – Tommy Tiernan: He made a stop in Montreal on his way to the Toronto Just for Laughs Festival. I wanted to see him last year but it was around 60$ and no one wanted to go (and DH was on a business trip). This year, he did 3 nights at the Comedyworks for only 15$ so I couldn’t pass that up! He made me laugh so hard that I cried more than once and it was a great show!

July 13 – John Pinette: A birthday present for my sister-in-law, and a great show! Not as funny as some of the other shows I saw but definitely funny. Glad we went even though I was half falling asleep (exhaustion, not boredom)! Free Willy!!! If you know John Pinette, you know what I am talking about.

July 16 – John Leguizamo: This was a birthday gift for DH but we both know that it was more for me. He got me into John Leguizamo but John keeps me coming back. DH spotted 2 seats in the front row, left hand side, and I was in heaven! At the beginning of the show, he danced around just as I had hoped he would (if he did Dancing with the Stars, I would actually watch) and then he came right over to our side of the stage and stood arms length from me (crotch level, hrm). He did a good 2.5 hours that night and I could have listened to him forever. Some parts were more serious and sullen then I have seen from him in the past but it worked! The best part, though, was when he mooned the audience right in front of us and DH covered his eyes!!! If we didn’t have tickets for another show the next night, I think I would have gone to see him again. I lu-lu-lu-love this man! Watch “Sexaholix” and you will understand what I just wrote! Here's a short clip of John Leguizamo dancing during the intro to "Sexaholix".

July 16 – Lewis Black: He hosted “The Night of a Million Opinions” and I can honestly say that the only opinion I have of this show is that it was boring! This was a last minute purchase and thankfully it was 30% off because it wasn’t even worth that! This show was taped for television so that part was cool; seeing them cut and start again sometimes, panning across the audience, knowing you may have a split second on TV one day…but that’s about it. Lewis Black was funny, but the others… not so much.

July 17: Christopher Titus: This was another birthday present for DH. First we went for dinner at The Keg and once we were done I gave him the tickets. He was happily surprised, although he thought our comedy week was over! I have to say, I used to have mixed feelings about Christopher Titus and this was more for DH but it was an awesome show! We ran into a couple of friends there and managed to get front row seats again and I didn’t stop laughing. As the online synopsis says, the show (called Neverlution) was heavily based on technology, politics, racism, child worship, prescription drug companies, and how fat, lazy, and scared we have become to do anything about those things. It was somewhat cynical but very honest and scarily enough, I agreed with most of what he said!

So, all of the comedy shows are over now but I still have one show left to go this month. On Saturday I will be seeing Sting accompanied by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. And, since DH is now in California (for work), I will have the pleasure of going with a close friend who really deserves a night out! Can’t wait!

Free IVF Beginning August 5, 2010!

Quebec to Fund In-Vitro Fertilization,
By Lia Levesque, The Canadian Press

MONTREAL - Couples struggling to conceive are about to get financial help from the Quebec government to pay for fertility treatments.

Health Minister Yves Bolduc announced Tuesday the launch of a provincial plan that will cover up to three cycles of in vitro fertilization, starting on Aug. 5.

Bolduc anticipates 3,500 fertilization cycles will be administered this year at a cost of more than $25 million. That figure could reach $63 million by 2013-2014.

"It's good for Quebec because it will increase the birthrate," Bolduc said.

"It's good for health-care services because it will lower neonatal costs. And it's good for parents."
Quebec's plan goes further than a similar one in Manitoba. Starting in October, that province will start offering a tax credit to cover 40 per cent of in vitro costs along with other procedures to a maximum of $8,000 a year.

Bolduc claims the free fertility treatments will eventually fund themselves.

While Quebec's medical community welcomed the plan as a good idea, it also described it as a hastily drawn policy that could further drain Quebec's already scarce health resources.

"I expect that there will be tourism to procreate in Quebec," said Gaetan Barrette, who heads a provincial association of medical specialists.

"Quebec will be the only place in North America where people will have access to this for free. To have access, the only thing you need is a health-insurance card and you can get a health-insurance card after only three months of residence."

He said he wouldn't be surprised if the treatments end up costing the government more than $200 million per year.

Quebec's association of obstetricians and gynecologists questioned whether the health-care system can handle a surge of pregnant women.

According to the association's president, Robert Sabbah, Quebec is already short between 60 and 70 gynecologists.

Denmark has already had to scale back access to a similar program "because of the enormous costs it engendered," Sabbah said.

Bolduc was forced to justify the costs of the fertilization plan at a time when Quebecers are concerned about operating table backlogs and emergency room wait times.

In rolling out the plan, the governing Liberals have fulfilled a promise made during the last election campaign.

The announcement also marks a significant change in longstanding policy for the Liberals.

Bolduc's predecessor, neurosurgeon Philippe Couillard, opposed covering the cost of treatments because he didn't consider infertility an illness.

Birthrates have long been a sensitive issue in Quebec, most famously in the pre-Quiet Revolution period when Quebecers were urged to have large families to keep their culture alive.

That so-called 'Revenge of the Cradles' had come to an end by the end of 1960s, as Quebec underwent an abrupt transformation from its religious, largely rural past where giant families were the norm.

Within a generation such traditions were replaced by a largely secular, increasingly urban Quebec, which had one of the lowest birthrates in the world.

But the latest trend has seen a small-scale baby boom, with an eight per cent jump in 2006, the biggest birthrate hike since 1909. In 2005, there were 1,700 fertility treatments, costing between $10,000 and $20,000 per treatment.

Weathering the Storm...

Last Friday I took the day off work because I had to take my 91 year old grandmother to the ophthalmologist. She has a walker, but I always borrow the residence wheelchair because she just cannot walk very well at all and it makes my life easier. As you may recall, last Friday was the end of a massive heat wave which meant we had some heavy, stormy, weather. Of course, her appointment was at 2:30 and the downpour began at about 2:00. Perfect timing! I decided not to write this last Friday because I probably would have used too much profanity… so I am writing this now because everything that happened that day still annoys me!

So, due to the stormy weather, I called a cab even though the appointment was only a few blocks away. To start the day off well, the bloody cab driver wouldn’t even get out of the car to help me get my grandmother in OR to put the wheelchair in his trunk! He actually had the nerve to ask me if I really needed to bring it! Then, to top things off, he couldn’t handle simple math so I had to separate his pay from his tip (which he did not deserve) from my change, all while my grandmother sits there and says how useless he is out loud! Thankfully, he didn’t speak a word of English either!

Then I had to wheel my grandmother up a steep ramp at the doctor’s office in the pouring rain. The wheelchair had absolutely no grip and it was very heavy to push on a slippery slope. Somehow I managed to lose my flip flop and nearly fell which would have been horrible as the chair would have rolled backwards onto me. I managed to get up to the top and the ramp was not level with the landing. There was a huge gap! Thankfully, someone came to help us into the office and I thought the day may be turning around.

After the appointment, my grandmother wanted to go for lunch at this little place she loves. I really wasn’t interested but the rain had stopped so I agreed. There are 2 steps to go in, no handrail and no way to get a wheelchair up. She struggled her way into the restaurant and then insisted that she could walk all the way to the back to use the bathroom (which ended up taking about 20 minutes to and form). The food SUCKED because the new management doesn’t know what they are doing and to make things worse when a larger woman walked by our table my grandmother says out loud “well that’s an awful size to be”! I wanted to hide but instead I gave the poor woman a sympathetic look apologizing for my grandmother’s rudeness. She seemed to understand as she smiled back at me very much in the same manner.

When lunch was over, I had to get my grandmother back home and of course it had started to rain again. She had the rest of her lunch to take with her along with the wheelchair. I had my umbrella open and we had to tackle those stairs together once again. I have to add here that I don’t understand why this area is not more handicap friendly. This neighborhood is surrounded by old age homes so you would think business owners would be more accommodating, no? Anyhow, I had to hold my grandmother while she goes down the stairs (remember, with no handrail), keep her wheelchair from rolling away as she uses it for support as well and the wheel locks don’t work, hold her doggie bag and the umbrella all while battling the rain. At one point I thought the manager was coming to help but he was only running to say hi to his friend outside!!! I couldn’t have been fuming more at this point. I pushed her home in the rain with no help from anyone, getting stuck in sidewalk potholes and all! The only help I got was from two bus drivers who blocked the road for me to cross with her. Thank you!

When I finally got her home I called DH to hopefully get a ride from him because I was near tears at this point. He was already well on his way to his friend’s house and I was really out of the way so since I was already soaking wet I just sat in the rain, crying, waiting for the next bus home…

You all think I am lucky to have so many days off recently, but THIS is what I am doing when I am not at work! Would you really like to trade??? I think not!

It did get me thinking though. A couple of times in the last month I have ran to hold a door open for an older woman, helped someone bring a stroller down to the metro, picked up a toy that a kid lost on the street when the mom didn't notice and every time the people are genuinely surprised that someone helped them; and now I know why! Please, if you are young and able and you see someone who could use a hand, help them! Maybe when you are old and grey someone will return the favor... or maybe not... but at least you will know that you did a good thing for someone that day.

Metabolic (diabetic) Center

The Metabolic Center has given me an appointment for October 15, which is a really long time from now considering the situation. I called them this morning and explained why I need to see someone sooner, but unfortunately they have nothing available. I cannot begin to explain how discouraged I am with this whole process! If I only see them in October, followed by a second visit 6-8 weeks later like they did last year, I am looking at December or January by the time they clear me for IVF/IVM.

I e-mailed my doctor to see if there was anything he could do and he gave me 2 options. He said that I could see the other doctor who follows me (the endocrinologist who I cannot stand) OR he can refer me to a high-risk pregnancy doctor for a consultation/second opinion.

For now, I have decided to take the referral. I will keep my appointment for October as well, just in case, and cancel later if necessary. If the high-risk doctor thinks things will be ok, then bring on the IVF/IVM! Who knows, maybe the government will have finally announced their free IVF plan by then! If not - screw them; I am tired of waiting for them to make up their minds.

Thyroid and Nutrition

Just for fun, I started researching my thyroid issues (since PCOS is on the side at the moment) and I came across a bunch of nutritional information which is both interesting and irritating all at once. The following information comes from http://www.fortherecordmag.com/archives/ftr_070405p34.shtml. I am posting this because I am not the only one here with thyroid issues.

Treatments and Nutrition:

Standard treatment for thyroid disorders involves daily medication, although surgery or radioiodine therapy may be required in some cases. While most women are diligent about taking their medication, they may be unaware that nutrition and diet also play a role in thyroid disorders.

“If you have a thyroid disorder, certain foods can help or hinder the thyroid function,” Vasconcellos advises. However, she cautions, “you don’t want to use food to treat the thyroid disorder. It should be complementary to medication.”

Certain foods contain compounds called goitrogens that interfere with normal thyroid function or, after they are ingested, interact with other substances in the body to form goitrogens. “Natural goitrogens can suppress the thyroid function,” Vasconcellos explains.

Goitrogenic foods include the cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, cabbage, rutabagas, turnips, kohlrabi, kale), millet, peaches, peanuts, walnuts, pine nuts, radishes, spinach, and strawberries. The isothiocyanates in these foods reduce thyroid function by interfering with the activity of an enzyme called thyroid peroxidase, which helps normal thyroid function by adding iodine atoms onto thyroid hormones. Soy, a staple in the vegetarian diet, is also a goitrogen and appears to increase T-4 without affecting T-3 levels. Isoflavones in soy, such as isothiocyanate, block the activity of thyroid peroxidase. Ultimately, this impairs thyroid function and can lead to weight gain.

Nutritionists and physicians recommend limiting intake of natural goitrogens but not eliminating them, since soy and cruciferous vegetables provide other proven benefits.

Women with a thyroid condition should limit soy intake to no more than one daily serving, which is equivalent to 4 ounces of tofu, 2 teaspoons of soy sauce, or 8 ounces of soy milk. Cruciferous vegetables and other foods mentioned above should also be limited to 1 cup two to three times per week.

“Greater than 1 cup daily is considered excessive for those with a thyroid condition,” Vasconcellos says. She adds that cooking appears to make the goitrogenic compounds in these foods inactive and recommends that women with thyroid disorders consume goitrogenic foods in cooked form rather than raw.

If these goitrogenic foods suppress thyroid function, can women with overactive thyroid glands increase the amounts eaten of these foods? Vasconcellos says no. “Eating goitrogens can actually increase the effects of antithyroid medications taken for hyperthyroidism,” she emphasizes. For women with hyperthyroidism, Vasconcellos recommends the following:

• a high-calorie balanced diet;
• a higher fluid intake, if not contraindicated (eg, renal disease);
• appropriate calcium, vitamin D, and phosphorus supplements for bone health;
• avoidance of stimulants such as caffeine (coffee, tea, cola, and chocolate), which can stimulate thyroid function.

Vasconcellos says, “One of the main objectives for women with hypothyroidism is controlling body weight through a calorie-controlled diet appropriate for their age and weight.” In addition to a balanced, calorie-controlled diet, Vasconcellos recommends that women with hypothyroidism limit consumption of natural goitrogens and increase fiber and fluid intake. Increasing fiber (fruits and vegetables) and fluids can help with the constipation often experienced by women with hypothyroidism.

In addition to foods, minerals are also important to thyroid function. Some clinical research has suggested that the minerals copper, zinc, and selenium can influence thyroid hormone utilization. Recently, selenium was found to help prevent and manage cardiovascular conditions, as well as support the conversion of T-4 to T-3 thyroid hormone. The daily recommended dose is 1 milligram copper, 25 milligrams zinc, and 100 micrograms selenium—amounts that are in many daily multivitamins.

Other lifestyle modifications can aid women in alleviating symptoms associated with thyroid disorders. Although smoking is an unhealthy habit for anyone, women with a thyroid disorder should not smoke because nicotine has been shown to adversely affect the conversion of T-4 to T-3. Regular exercise, including appropriate cardiovascular conditioning and strength exercises, can assist a sluggish metabolism in hypothyroidism and help prevent osteoporosis, which frequently afflicts women with hyperthyroidism.