Sessions With Billie

In the last couple of weeks I met with my psychiatrist for a follow-up and had my final session with Billie. I will likely see both of them just before I go back to work or soon after to ease me through that new transition of our lives, but for now I just have a plan that I am trying to stick to.

No, She Is Not Hungry!

O.M.G I need to rant!

I don’t know if this is age related, cultural, a grandma-ism or what but, whatever it is, it needs to stop! It has been happening since baby girl was barely a day old and it is now 10 weeks later. Every single time my child starts to cry or fuss, my MIL asks “Is she hungry?” like it’s the only possible reason she is crying!

She’s a baby. She cries. She cannot use her words yet. And food is not the answer to everything!

Hello 2016!

“Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one."

Brad Paisley 

Thinking Like A Mom… For Myself!

Earlier on in this pregnancy a situation happened on Facebook with an acquaintance of mine which basically resulted in a simple picture sparking a nasty and public exchange between myself, my other friends defending me, and this acquaintance. It was beyond stupid and completely unnecessary! But, as it was happening, I remember thinking to myself 1) why do I have a so-called friend who repeatedly treats me this way and sparks these situations, and 2) what would I say to my child if they had a friend who acted the same way towards them?

That was when I realized that I needed to put a stop to this so-called-friendship, along with any other relationship that wouldn’t sit right with me for my own child. If it isn’t good enough for her, why should it be ok for me? Why am I settling for less?

What Am I Afraid Of?

Lately a number of people have asked me if I was afraid of giving birth, worried about the epidural or nervous about being a mom in general… and I have to say, I really am fine with everything. We have been trying for this for so long now that I just can’t wait to meet her and finally be a family; I don’t really have any of the usual “first-time-mom” fears.

I would say that I am more anxious about outside factors, after giving birth, than I am about the initial giving birth.

Book Review: Beyond The Sling

I think we have all come across numerous parenting buzz words over the years, but there is one in particular I want to discuss.

According to Wikipedia, “Attachment parenting (AP), a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences.”

Before You Ask About A Sibling…

Every time someone asks me about the possibility of having a sibling and I reply that there probably won’t be one, they give me this look that I can’t even begin to describe; like I am already depriving my unborn child of the best thing there is.

When did it become a crime to have only one child?

What To Expect When…

Surprise! We’re expecting!

I have waited years to be able to say those words out loud… and the time has finally come to publicly announce the news! We are currently just over 15 weeks pregnant and are due November 2015.

We have been sharing the news with our closest friends and family over the past few weeks, and the last big reveal took place on Saturday at our niece’s birthday party since that seems to be the time and place to make this sort of announcement. We have a few other people to tell in the coming weeks (including Facebook, but I'm not ready for that yet) so I am taking a risk putting this out there right now, but I don’t think they read this blog so we should be safe!

Nieces And Birthdays

I can’t believe how fast they grow up…. niece #1 is turning 4 years old this week! Time just flies, doesn’t it? I still remember visiting her in the hospital at less than a day old! Two years ago, at her 2nd birthday party, my SIL announced she was pregnant again and that brought us niece #2 and our godchild of course! Getting to play the role of aunt, uncle and godparents has been really special and those little girls mean the world to us!

Holland Came To Visit

A while back you may remember a couple of posts about my BFF/sister and her son who was born with Wolf–Hirschhorn Syndrome (WHS), specifically Welcome To Holland and Updates From Holland: A Guest Blog By Colton’s Mom. Well, for the last few days we have had a full house because they came down for a visit! Mommy, daddy and the little guy too.

Happy Valentine's Day

Those of you who know me well know that I am not that big on certain holidays; Valentine's Day being one of them. But this year, I don't know... I am actually somewhat into it!

Looking Back On 2014

This last year has certainly had its share highs and lows, and one thing that has been reinforced is that life just simply isn’t fair. And, yes, I knew this before but it seems to get clearer as the years go by. I have many examples of why I feel this way, but it all started with the loss of my father-in-law.

Three Years

Three years ago today something awesome happened...

A friend of mine had reservations to a restaurant we had really wanted to try, which had a six month waiting list, and she was unable to go so she let us go instead. It was a great experience and we have been back many times since! We even got to meet the owner back in February when we went there for an early anniversary dinner. He put a sparkler in our dessert to celebrate which was very sweet! Counting down the days until we go back… and hoping DH takes me there for my birthday (hint hint)!

Oh, and now that my SIL is nicely fuming about me talking about a restaurant….

Something even MORE incredible happened after dinner that night… we found out that our first niece was born, and that means that she is turning three years old today! I can’t believe it has been three years already… it seems like it was only a few months ago… wait, no, that was their OTHER daughter! Ha, ha? Anyhow, looking forward to her birthday party this weekend and even more excited to babysit both of them on Sunday! 

Happy Birthday from Zia and Zio, G!

A Poem For My BFF

Just Because

Our paths crossed, so long ago,

And immediately, our bond began to grow.

A blossoming friendship, that no one could break,

Not even the years we spent apart could test our fate.

Looking back on the decades we’ve spent together,

I know we will be by each others side forever and ever.

You bring me comfort, you always know just what to say,

and you make me smile, even miles away.

Your husband is lucky to call you his wife,

and your son will be proud to call you mother,

but to me you are more special than words can describe,

because to me you are like no other!

I was fortunate to meet you,

I have felt privileged to know you.

And although we come from different trees,

family is what you will always be to me.

Love you to the moon and back!

The Baptism

“Every good and perfect gift is from above…” 

James 1:17 

Almost a year has passed since we first found out my SIL was pregnant, and it’s funny how things turn out to be sometimes...

I never wrote anything about this before, but when the announcement was made last summer I was completely torn apart and devastated by it. I was extremely happy for the parents-to-be, but I was already so sensitive and fragile about our own TTC situation at the time that it put me into a pretty dark place for quite some time. Everything that I was already feeling intensified, things that I had buried were uncovered and a mixture of new emotions appeared as well.

It took me a while to get out of my own head and deal with the issues in front of me/us but, looking back now, I believe it was that downward spiral that actually helped propel us forward and get us to where we are today. Sometimes you need to hit bottom to get back up again!

My faith in science and medicine is far stronger than my beliefs in blessings or miracles, and I have no faith in “a higher power” where TTC is concerned. But I do believe in love, I know that I have nothing if I have no hope and most of all I do believe that we will succeed one of these days! And I think in a small way, this little girl helped restore those feelings for me.

And, with that said, on May 18th, DH and I officially became Godparents to niece #2! Ok, so technically he became the Godfather and I became a "Witness" since I am not Catholic, but whatever! I commissioned a special card to commemorate the occasion (pictured below with a link to the designer) and put together a gift basket including a beautiful cross that sort of resembles a butterfly too, a gift certificate to have her ears pierced, a set of Cinderella and The Fairy Godmother books, and a little stuffed animal for her to cuddle.

And, in addition, I was able to add to my Tiffany jewellery collection! One down, so many more to go... I love it, thank you!

Thank you both once again for giving us this gift and honor! It was our pleasure.

 

Just ME prints & paper designs

We Are The Godparents!

On Saturday, DH and I went for brunch with his brother and our SIL and they asked us to be godparents to our niece! Technically, DH will be the godparent since he is Catholic and I am not, but I get to be a "Christian Witness" according to things I read on-line. Pfft! I am a Disney fan, so I will just consider myself to be her Fairy Godmother instead! Where's my wand?

I kind of had a pretty good feeling that we were going to be asked and, at first, I was nervous because of the whole non-Catholic uncertainty of it all, but now I am gong to have fun with it!

And, my super powers have already been put to use! My SIL was shopping for curtains for my nieces bedroom and could only find one panel, but I was able to find a matching one buried at the back of the pile! Godmother to the rescue!

Ok, ok, so this is kind of exciting - even for the Protestant Aunt!

F*ck Cancer

For reasons that are not completely clear to me, we always celebrated my father-in-laws birthday on December 2nd, but his birth certificate listed the 17th as his actual birth date. On December 17, 2013 my father-in-law turned 64 and my sister-in-law gave birth to our second niece; officially, they shared a birthday! They were released from the hospital the following day and while everyone was ready to race over and visit, I wanted to give them space… but I am so glad, for once, that we didn’t wait. 

Just a few days later, my father-in-law ended up in hospital with side effects from an aggressive chemo treatment. The effects were so bad, he was there straight through until New Year’s Eve. He was released from the hospital around dinner time, but he was re-admitted about 24 hours later.

I don’t want to list all of the details here, but he never left the hospital again. That last week was a rollercoaster. Initially we were told he may go into palliative care so DH flew home from California immediately. And then they gave everyone hope with the talk of radiation. But lastly, they suggested morphine and said it was only a matter of time… less than 10 hours to be precise. 

On January 17th, 2014 he lost his battle with cancer. Just one month after his 64th birthday. He did not go down without a fight, and he was as stubborn as ever. His extended family visited his bedside all evening, and his immediate family stayed through the night. I still don’t know how I coped with it, but I stood by while DH held his hand even during those last few breaths. And somehow watching him die, relatively peacefully, brought closure and I am happy that I fought my fears and stayed there – both for him and for DH. 

This was not how we wanted to see him go. It wasn’t his time. He didn’t deserve this, and neither does his family. I understand that his pain is over now, and he will no longer suffer, but I wanted him to meet his grandchildren… our future children. I wanted him to be a big part of their lives, and it makes me so angry that he will not have that opportunity. He won’t get to see the son that he raised become a father… and that devastates me. He would have wanted to be there, and it won’t be the same without him.

I'm An Aunt Again!

The title says it all! My second niece arrived this morning at 8am! As far as I know, everyone is doing well. We won't be seeing them until tomorrow at the earliest but I can't wait!

Just An Observation...

There are two people in my life who mean the world to me... ok well, more than that... but these two in particular! One is like a mother to me and the other is the closest thing I have had to a sister all these years. And you know what's weird? I think somewhere, on another planet or something, we MUST be related because we are all too much alike not to be! Just sayin'...

September Is Flying By!

The summer went by so quickly, and now we are already half way through September. Can you believe it? It will be Christmas before we know it! Back to school was CRAZY this year (which is why I haven’t been posting) but it is finally calming down! Now I get to play catch up from the last two weeks and try to get ahead on next week since I won’t be here all at once! Fun!

So, where were we last?

My birthday weekend was a blast! Not because of my birthday but because of the huge wedding the day before. My little bride was beautiful and the groom, casual and cool as always. And the flower girl was the cutest thing ever… my niece of course! The priest was half an hour late but kept things short and sweet and then it was on to the party. The hall was decorated beautifully, the food was very good, and things seemed to be perfect as far as I could tell. The happy couple is still on their honeymoon and I can’t wait for them to get back so we can look through all their pictures and see their new home! I miss you guys!

My birthday itself was quiet; a trip to the pet store and dinner at The Keg with DH. Exactly what I wanted! It hasn’t all turned out well though. I got a Betta and four Tetras for my new aquarium and by the following week they had all died! I think the Betta hunted the Tetras and then got sick from bacteria in the water. I tried to medicate him but he didn’t make it. Sigh. And, my gift from DH has been a total train wreck, but I am still working on that one so I won't bore you with the details just yet.

Labour Day weekend we went camping in Lake Placid again with our new big tent and did a lot of nothing. It was nice to do nothing for once! Of course I had to get sick right before we left but the fresh air actually seemed to help a lot. I think I have a new cure for my constant sinus infections!

Also on Labour Day weekend, my nephew finally made his appearance! He didn’t like August it seems so he chose September 1st! Unfortunately his first couple of weeks haven’t gone as expected, and he still hasn’t seen his beautiful room that his Mommy and Daddy built for him, but hopefully he will go home soon! In either case, I am on my way there this weekend to meet him for the first time and I can’t wait!

To replace the Betta/Tetra disaster, I went out yesterday and bought two Angel Goldfish instead. They should be more resilient so we will see how this goes… I consider them to be like goats of the sea – eat anything and not care if the water isn’t perfect – so hopefully these ones will last longer!

Anyhow, that’s it for now. Break over, back to work!