Ahh it’s that time of year again it seems; time to re-visit demons!
Friendships are a lot like relationships; they take time to develop, you want to find the right fit, and they need to be nurtured in ordered to grow. Some are harder to maintain than others, but with a little effort they can become just as strong over time! And, inevitably, some will simply fall apart – and then what? In a romantic relationship there is usually (hopefully) a clear “break-up process”, but what about in a friendship? Is there a system, guide, or plan for that? Well, after lots of Googling, I discovered there is NO protocol for cutting off a friendship. There are hints and tips galore, but no set of plans to follow. Too bad, because I have a couple of situations that could really use some sort of action plan right now! Anyhow, I did find a few helpful articles while searching and decided to share. See below (excerpt only, full articles linked).
Is It Time to End That Friendship? By Barbara Graham - O Magazine
There's no real protocol for cutting off a friendship - which can lead to a whole lot of confusion...
I have this friend, Sarah. Since meeting in our thirties, we've shared many of life's essentials: hairdressers, dog-walkers, phobias (airplanes and mice), health scares, worries over our kids, and insomnia caused by husbands who snore. But lately I'm aware that whenever Sarah calls I feel a tightness in my chest and, more often than not (thanks to caller ID), I don't pick up the phone. I feel guilty, but that's preferable to spending hours listening to Sarah complain. I've been meaning to tell her how I feel, but I haven't quite worked up the nerve. Most of the time I feel like a bad boyfriend.
Then there's Natalie, whom I fell in love with when I was 9 (Blogger note: This does NOT refer to my BFF, although it is eerily similar at first). We became inseparable and, at one point, I secretly tried to find out if it was possible to be adopted by your best friend's family if your own parents were still alive. It wasn't until college and post collegiate life on opposite sides of the country that we drifted apart. But we never lost touch and, years later, when I moved with my husband to the city where Natalie lives, she seemed thrilled... Then, after about six months, Natalie suddenly stopped calling, and whenever I tried to make a date she claimed she was too busy and got off the phone, fast. To this day—ten years later—I have no idea why she gave me the boot…
It is strange that friendships, which nourish and sustain us and often provide our deepest source of connection, lack the sort of standards that are routine in romantic relationships. If your significant other stops calling, makes impossible demands, or treats you like roadkill, you deal with it. It may not be easy—you may put it off—but eventually you'll find out where you stand. Not so with friends…
Sadly, many friendships end needlessly because we're afraid to acknowledge conflict…
Despite our best intentions, talking doesn't always repair the rift: Not everyone is able to listen without becoming defensive or blaming the other person. Feelings stirred up by a close friend often echo unresolved issues from childhood, like sibling rivalry or fear of abandonment, and unless those feelings are acknowledged, no amount of discussion can save the relationship…
Bottom line: There's no single template for friendship. Some people are in our lives because they carry a precious shard of our history, while others reflect our passions and priorities right now. Still others are in danger of becoming ex-friends because we're either too preoccupied to pick up the phone or too scared to speak our minds. As Virginia Woolf said, "I have lost friends, some by death—others through sheer inability to cross the street"…
Here are a couple more articles that are just too long to post:
How to end a friendship: Six tips to doing it gracefully - Chatelaine Magazine
When to end a friendship - Squidoo
