June Updates!

Not much going on really, but I realized that I haven’t posted in awhile so I thought I would take a minute and write something before the long weekend! 

So, what’s been happening? 

We were supposed to be on vacation this week but since DH was sent back to Germany again we had to cut things short. We spent a couple of days in Ottawa last week over St-Jean and from the looks of things we won’t be taking any more vacation for the rest of the summer. I don’t really mind since I would rather travel during the winter anyhow. Thinking of a little fun in Vegas, relaxing in the Caribbean, and an adventure or two over in Europe in the next year depending on how things go. We will see!

Also, I have officially been smoke free for over 6 months now. I still get the odd craving, mainly when I am stressing out, but they pass. No point giving in now after all this time, right?

I have been lucky enough to see my niece every weekend since she was born but since DH is away for a couple of weeks I probably won’t see her until mid July *sniff*. Don’t grow too much too quickly and be good to mommy who is home alone with you now! 

Other than that there is not much to report. Happy long weekend everyone!

I'm An Aunt!!!

Joy – noun: 1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. 2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated. 3. the expression or display of glad feeling.

Late at night on Saturday June 4th (2011) I oficially became an aunt! I got to spend some time with my niece on Sunday in the hospital and for the first time ever I wasn't afraid to hold a newborn! And I may be biased, but she is one of the sweetest babies I have ever seen! So alert and observant already too. Now I know what unconditional love really means...

Congratulations again! I am so happy for you guys and I can't wait to see the little munchkin again! You have an extra room for me to move into, right? Just kidding!

Anger

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy,

but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree

and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way -

that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

Aristotle

Facing Demons

“'Tis better to have loved and lost

than never to have loved at all.”

Alfred, Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam: 27, 1849

Over the years I have come to realize that I am not a victim of my past, but rather a survivor. This is where I draw the majority of my strength from and I have realized that it is also what separates me from others in many cases. A survivor is to a victim as oil is to water; they don’t mix. Looking back, I recognize now why some relationships (family, friends, co-workers, etc…) would have never worked out no matter how hard we tried and why other bonds are so strong.

“Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the ones you NEED:
To help you, hurt you, leave you, or love you…
and to make you into the person you were meant to be.”

I am not sure where the above quote came from or when I first saw it, but I swear by it. Sure, when I look back over my life, there are a ton of things I would never wish on my worst enemy; but if they never would have happened, then who would I be now? I realize now that “these people” were put into my life to hurt me and, in a few cases, to leave me as well. But I also know now that they helped me. They were in my life to give me strength, courage, and confidence in myself. Because of them, obstacles now present a challenge to me; not defeat. Not to mention that I have learned from their mistakes and have/will “break the cycle” as they say.

It took me years to figure things out and get where I am today but, thankfully, I have had many people to lean on for support during the bumpy ride I took to get here. I admit that it wasn’t always positive support (no regrets, although hindsight is 20/20), but I am glad that when I needed it most I found the RIGHT people to surround myself with. I needed those people (yes, even the bad ones in their time). They helped me, they loved me, and they were a crucial part in making me who I am today. Without them, I may not have been here at all…

Except, where are those people now? What place do they have in my life today? Now that I can stand on my own two feet, who remains alongside me? This is something I have been asking myself over and over the last couple of weeks and I am struggling with some of the answers I have found. It’s never easy, even when someone hurts and leaves you, but what about the ones who love and care about you? Who helped you get your life on track and then vanish, often times with no forewarning? After everything I have been taught, that is one thing I never learned how to accept… not well, anyhow.

I have come to terms with many things in my past. I understand why some people hurt me, why others have left me, and even why some have come back. I try to welcome all of these things into my life some way or another because in the greater scheme of things it all makes sense. But some of the more recent events don’t make sense. I have been betrayed and abandoned many times before, but I can count on one hand the times I have had to let go of someone I truly cared about! The wounds are still fresh, and I guess that only time will tell – but I am hurting and not afraid to say so!

I am gathering the courage to confront my demons one by one, but some of their faces shock me…

The Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, but the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!