I would love nothing more right now than to hop on a plane, fly to my “home away from home”, rent a place on the beach and just totally cut myself off from the rest of the world if only for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, though, I can’t at the moment and this just adds to my current frustrations.
Don’t tell DH, but I ADMIT that this time of year always has its way of bringing out the, ahem, “best” in me… but this year things are extra “special” so I am having a bit more of a rough time than I have in the past. Between the usual holiday time stuff, treatment complications, DH travelling so much, and a bunch of other smaller things piling up I am really in need for a time out even if it means I have to stay grounded here at home.
So, that is exactly what I am doing. For the next month or so there is nothing really going on in terms of treatment. Generally, I fill in the gaps between TTC postings with other stuff but this time I am going to take a break. I will post from time to time but much less frequently until the holidays are over most likely. I have a few things in the works but nothing complete and I am having a bit of writer’s block at the moment so there is no end in sight; ironically, also not unusual for me at this time of year. Notice a trend? Anyone want to guess which month of the year I hate most? A candy cane to the first person who figures it out!
Anyhow, back to reality… backing off the blog for a bit… and now back to work!
PS. To “Doppler Girl”, thank you for giving me one of the best gifts in the world ever . I love you!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Are you a Carrot, an Egg or Coffee Bean?
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life, and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it, and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take the egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to smell and sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she smelled and tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity- boiling water-but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When trials and adversity knock on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a passive heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or, am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you become better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Like the CARROT, the EGG, OR the COFFEE BEAN?
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first pot, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft. She then asked her to take the egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to smell and sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she smelled and tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity- boiling water-but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When trials and adversity knock on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a passive heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or, am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you become better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?
How do you handle adversity? Like the CARROT, the EGG, OR the COFFEE BEAN?
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Round 1 (IVM): Cancelled
I had my second ultrasound this morning and there were no changes since Saturday unfortunately. I met with the nurse right after and we set up my “calendar” to try again. This round is not exactly considered as being cancelled seeing as I didn’t get anywhere, so it is essentially postponed. In other words, this will NOT count as one of the rounds covered by the government. Also, instead of going the Provera route again and getting stuck, they are giving me 1 month of Birth Control to do the job. It has been a long time since I have seen these! I just hope they work. Oh, and the good news is... even if AF doesn't arrive when it should I still go in for an ultrasound as though it did.
I am surprisingly not too upset about it either because the timing of things should work out extremely well if everything is smooth. My retrieval should fall over the Christmas holidays (and yes, possibly on Christmas morning if necessary) so I won’t have to worry about missing work and I can stay home and relax. And then, the transfer should come just before or after New Year’s so I will have an extended “vacation” if you want to call it that. Not a bad way to start 2011 I guess.
All in all, I am ok with all of this. It’s too bad it didn’t work out right now but at least it’s because my body woke up for once and not because my condition got worse. Another month won't make that much difference in the greater scheme of things.
I am surprisingly not too upset about it either because the timing of things should work out extremely well if everything is smooth. My retrieval should fall over the Christmas holidays (and yes, possibly on Christmas morning if necessary) so I won’t have to worry about missing work and I can stay home and relax. And then, the transfer should come just before or after New Year’s so I will have an extended “vacation” if you want to call it that. Not a bad way to start 2011 I guess.
All in all, I am ok with all of this. It’s too bad it didn’t work out right now but at least it’s because my body woke up for once and not because my condition got worse. Another month won't make that much difference in the greater scheme of things.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Round 1 (IVM): Step 2 (Expect the Unexpected)
There are times in life that simply do not make sense… and this weekend was one of them. On Saturday I went in to the hospital for a CD3 ultrasound, the first of this cycle. In the past, I have always seen a number of tiny follicles at this point waiting to grow and nothing more which is good for that stage of the cycle. This was also my hope for Saturday, but not the case.
When using both Clomid and Gonal-F in the past, the goal was to reach a follicle of about 18mm in diameter so that I could continue the process in order to get pregnant one way or another. However, this never occurred and all of my follicles simply remained around 8-9mm. We began to think that reaching anything larger was impossible and this is why I changed to IVM. There was no use continuing on with daily injections if they weren’t being effective.
On Saturday, the doctor started to do the ultrasound and the first thing we both see is a large black circle on the screen. He measured it and, sure enough, it’s a 20mm follicle! That’s great, in the sense that it means I am not completely useless and I can actually do it (and on mine own - without medication), but it is HORRIBLE timing. Basically, there is no way to be exactly sure what it is and what it is going to do at this point. It is definitely left over from my last cycle, but is it empty? Is there an egg inside? Will it go away in the next couple of days to give room for the new follicles? These are all questions that remain unanswered for now.
If it is in fact a proper follicle with an egg in it, taking Provera has messed up my “natural cycle” and has now ruled out the possibility of using that egg. And if there is an egg inside that is still giving off estrogen it will cause the other follicles around it to make lesser quality eggs and I need high quality eggs to continue with IVM so we would have to wait until it is gone to try again. The other side to this is that it may be empty and ready to shrink down any minute now. Who knows?
Initially the plan was to cancel the cycle and try again next month. But, after speaking with a nurse, they have decided to give this a second try. They took a blood test to check my estrogen levels and called me back later in the day to schedule another ultrasound for Wednesday (CD7). If all goes well, they will allow me to continue… but if the larger follicle is still there, I will have to start all over again next month!
Expect the unexpected! That is all I can say at this point.
When using both Clomid and Gonal-F in the past, the goal was to reach a follicle of about 18mm in diameter so that I could continue the process in order to get pregnant one way or another. However, this never occurred and all of my follicles simply remained around 8-9mm. We began to think that reaching anything larger was impossible and this is why I changed to IVM. There was no use continuing on with daily injections if they weren’t being effective.
On Saturday, the doctor started to do the ultrasound and the first thing we both see is a large black circle on the screen. He measured it and, sure enough, it’s a 20mm follicle! That’s great, in the sense that it means I am not completely useless and I can actually do it (and on mine own - without medication), but it is HORRIBLE timing. Basically, there is no way to be exactly sure what it is and what it is going to do at this point. It is definitely left over from my last cycle, but is it empty? Is there an egg inside? Will it go away in the next couple of days to give room for the new follicles? These are all questions that remain unanswered for now.
If it is in fact a proper follicle with an egg in it, taking Provera has messed up my “natural cycle” and has now ruled out the possibility of using that egg. And if there is an egg inside that is still giving off estrogen it will cause the other follicles around it to make lesser quality eggs and I need high quality eggs to continue with IVM so we would have to wait until it is gone to try again. The other side to this is that it may be empty and ready to shrink down any minute now. Who knows?
Initially the plan was to cancel the cycle and try again next month. But, after speaking with a nurse, they have decided to give this a second try. They took a blood test to check my estrogen levels and called me back later in the day to schedule another ultrasound for Wednesday (CD7). If all goes well, they will allow me to continue… but if the larger follicle is still there, I will have to start all over again next month!
Expect the unexpected! That is all I can say at this point.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Parsley... To The Rescue?
Yesterday I hunted high and low for solutions to my AF problem. The only solution I found that seemed to have any truth to it was… parsley; plain old boring parsley.
It seems that parsley is a mild emmenagogue (an herb which stimulates menstruation). It is said to work like a charm at bringing on a missed or late period as long as pregnancy is not the cause of the delay. This being said, you should probably avoid drinking this if you are pregnant so that you do not miscarry or abort accidentally (although it seems that some people also use it precisely for this reason – to terminate a pregnancy).
There are a couple ways that parsley can be used; either as a tea (infusion) or as a pessary (you can look that one up for yourself). The tea can be made either from the dried herb (1 tsp per cup of water) or from the fresh herb (1 tbsp chopped per cup of water). Simply bring the water to a boil, then pour the boiling water over the herbs and let it steep for about 20 minutes. Using a mason jar is helpful for this because it keeps the heat in nicely. From the information I found, it looks like 2-4 cups a day are recommended and it seems that many women have successfully seen AF anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days afterwards. The only warnings I found were possible allergies and that individuals with inflammatory kidney problems or diseases should not use these methods. Oh, and it is also a colon cleanser according to some other sites so don’t go overboard either.
So, last night I went home and made the tea right after dinner. I drank all 3 cups (from fresh parsley) in an hour. The tea was light green in color and it didn’t taste bad at all. Kind of like a light mint with a hint of lemon and “green” taste. A tablespoon of sugar helped sweeten it up nicely too. I read that you could add honey or milk as well but I have not tried these yet. And I am not sure what it did but it did something! I have been having some cramps over the last couple of days but nothing like the parsley brought on. I could definitely feel something and it intensified with each cup. As for the pessary… maybe I did, maybe I didn’t!
This morning I had some spotting and called the hospital to make my appointment for an ultrasound on Saturday. Hopefully I will have full blown AF by then! And until I do I will continue drinking my tea because it really isn’t bad at all!
It seems that parsley is a mild emmenagogue (an herb which stimulates menstruation). It is said to work like a charm at bringing on a missed or late period as long as pregnancy is not the cause of the delay. This being said, you should probably avoid drinking this if you are pregnant so that you do not miscarry or abort accidentally (although it seems that some people also use it precisely for this reason – to terminate a pregnancy).
There are a couple ways that parsley can be used; either as a tea (infusion) or as a pessary (you can look that one up for yourself). The tea can be made either from the dried herb (1 tsp per cup of water) or from the fresh herb (1 tbsp chopped per cup of water). Simply bring the water to a boil, then pour the boiling water over the herbs and let it steep for about 20 minutes. Using a mason jar is helpful for this because it keeps the heat in nicely. From the information I found, it looks like 2-4 cups a day are recommended and it seems that many women have successfully seen AF anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days afterwards. The only warnings I found were possible allergies and that individuals with inflammatory kidney problems or diseases should not use these methods. Oh, and it is also a colon cleanser according to some other sites so don’t go overboard either.
So, last night I went home and made the tea right after dinner. I drank all 3 cups (from fresh parsley) in an hour. The tea was light green in color and it didn’t taste bad at all. Kind of like a light mint with a hint of lemon and “green” taste. A tablespoon of sugar helped sweeten it up nicely too. I read that you could add honey or milk as well but I have not tried these yet. And I am not sure what it did but it did something! I have been having some cramps over the last couple of days but nothing like the parsley brought on. I could definitely feel something and it intensified with each cup. As for the pessary… maybe I did, maybe I didn’t!
This morning I had some spotting and called the hospital to make my appointment for an ultrasound on Saturday. Hopefully I will have full blown AF by then! And until I do I will continue drinking my tea because it really isn’t bad at all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)