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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Before You Ask About A Sibling…

Every time someone asks me about the possibility of having a sibling and I reply that there probably won’t be one, they give me this look that I can’t even begin to describe; like I am already depriving my unborn child of the best thing there is.

When did it become a crime to have only one child?

I’m not saying I never wanted to have more children, in fact I used to want 3! But over the years, especially with all of the uphill battles we have faced, that number has changed. Ideally I would have had my first child within the first year TTC, followed by a second a couple of years after that, and possibly a third right about now. That would have been perfect! But that clearly didn’t work out. Quite honestly, I had gotten to the point where I was simply trying to cope with the idea of never having any children before this little miracle happened.

So, right now, are there any plans for more? No. And we are perfectly OK with that!

This dream has taken a long time to come true, which also means that we had a long time to think about things in depth. And, over the years, I have put tremendous thought into this decision! Yes, having an only child is a DECISION I have made deliberately.

Being an only child doesn’t mean being a lonely child! Heck, I was an only child from a tiny family so I should know! This kid will have friends in the neighborhood the same age (my neighbor and another good friend are both pregnant right now for example), daycare, school, extra-curricular activities, and family too! Plus, I truly believe that much of my independence is attributed to being an only child and that is something I am truly grateful for.

Financially, would we struggle having more than one child? Probably not, but it certainly would make the difference between private vs. public daycare, traveling with DH when he goes for work vs. staying home all the time, vacationing as often as we do, taking extra time off work unpaid to be with my kid(s) during the summer, etc… and I am not willing to give those things up. I have a strong desire to be an equal provider for my family, not a stay at home mom, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind the ability to do that from time to time and since I have that flexibility at work why not take advantage of it? I don’t plan to smother my child, but I do intend to give this kid the best memories that I possibly can. If my kid wants me to take a day off work in the summer to go to the zoo, then that is where we are going!

And I want to dedicate myself to our child 100%, especially in those early years. I have been around numerous parenting styles and I gravitate more towards those who truly take the time to teach their children, hands-on from an early age, and not leave it up to the school system; from early potty training all the way up to reading and writing. I am not going to push a career on this kid like a doctor/lawyer/engineer, even though those would all be awesome, but my cousin was able to teach her cat to use the toilet so hopefully I can at least get this kid on the potty before 1yr old too!

For now, one child will complete the family we have been working so hard for. Where do we go from there? Who knows… but right now there are no plans. When the time is right, and when this kid starts asking questions, we will be open and honest about our path to parenthood. In fact, this blog was started with the intent of documenting our journey for that very purpose, and we just hope that he/she understands.

Besides, if we do our job right this kid should never feel deprived of anything…. not even a sibling.