Quotes...

A friend posted this as her Facebook status, and I couldn't agree more so I decided to paste it here...

"Just think, if there were no bumps in the road of life,
your entire existence would be like an eternal drive through the Prairies....
not very fun, and certainly not memorable - bland, boring and redundant.
Embrace the bumps, they're actually the spice."

Round 2: Step 1 starts Friday! If all goes well I should be able to avoid all the nasty side effects while I am in NYC. But unfortunately, DH won't be able to avoid them when we get home : )

Round 2

It seems that I will be starting round 2 soon! Depending on schedule, I will begin in the next 2 weeks. We'll be out of town again so I am trying to work around that right now. I don't want to be sick while wandering the streets of NYC :)

End of Round One

So, the ultrasound today confirmed that this round did not work. Now I have to go back, examine the calendar, and figure out when to start round 2. The next time I will be on 1000mg of Clomid... and if that doesn't work, the doctor who was there today said I will move on to injections. Not sure how I feel about that but I will start to research it!

On the plus side... I finally got my manicure :) I completely smudged it within 15 minutes of leaving... but he redid that hand at no charge. Oops!

Explanations and Revelations

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.”

Andre Gide

About a month ago I promised to address a question that I have repeatedly been asked - Why did I decide to call this place “Creating my Monster”? I guess there are many answers to this question and to be honest, even I am still finding the answers to this question but here are a few explanations for now:

1) The simplest; I do not know if I am going to have a boy, a girl, twins, multiples, or even if I will conceive at all… but I guarantee, whatever child I have WILL be a little “monster” : )

2) In a way, I look at PCOS as a “monster” that I did, in some ways, create and continue to create.

3) TTC with PCOS is a monster of a process… not to mention the monster I can/will be while going through treatment! Ha ha ha…

4) The blog itself is a monster of a hobby. I know from blogging experience that at times we will share a love/hate relationship but so far so good!

Now, as for revelations…

Everyone, including me, has now seen and been exposed to nearly one full cycle of my treatment, what I have to go through, as well as the possible ups and downs that go along with it. Aside from a touch of information overload, I have learned a lot in the past few weeks; both related and unrelated to my treatment. That being said I need to say that I truly appreciate all of the support that I have been given. I understand that people are genuinely concerned, want to be informed, and want to follow me through this journey either beside me or just in the shadows. However, from now until further notice I want to refrain from discussing things outside of my blog unless I myself choose to.

When I started this project I did it with the intent that everyone would have the same information at the same time and all in one place saving me from speaking to each and every person directly. As I have now learned, sharing good news with people individually was not an issue at all but with bad news I realized that it is not something I want to repeat any more than necessary, before I am ready, or sometimes maybe not at all. Although it wasn’t anywhere near horrible, my second ultrasound was my first introduction to “bad news” and this is when I realized that I need to change the way I am handling things now before I regret it later. I appreciate the phone calls and e-mails on the days I have something going on but for now I need to put them on hold. I need time to process the news, figure out my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and then I promise I will write something… when I am ready. Blogging allows me to control WHAT information is put out there and WHEN. I do not tend to censor myself when blogging… but sometimes you just aren’t ready to “face the music” just yet.

Thank you all for your understanding.

Round 1: Step 3 (Final Ultrasound) - Swing and a Miss

Ok so… a bit of medical stuff before I explain my end of things.

What is PCOS?

Understanding PCOS is easier if one tries to picture what goes on inside our ovaries every month.

Each month our ovaries begin to ripen a number of follicles… The number of immature follicles changes with each cycle — but during normal times, one or two follicles grow stronger than the others and produce an egg. When we ovulate, the egg in the dominant follicle pops out and flows into the fallopian tube on its way to the uterus. This event is caused by and in turn triggers a host of hormonal secretions, including estrogen and progesterone, which work together to prepare the body to support a pregnancy if the egg is fertilized or a normal monthly period if it is not.

Polycystic ovaries

With PCOS, alterations in a woman’s hormonal pathways cause her ovaries to create a lot of follicles that form like a pearl necklace on the ovaries. No single follicle becomes dominant and ovulation can’t occur.

The information above has been taken from Women to Women.

What Happened?

Last week we saw many follicles as expected. However, one of them was much larger so it seemed as though it may have been the dominant one. When I went back yesterday, the larger one had stopped growing and all of the others had basically caught up to it. So right now there is no visible dominant follicle. Had there been a dominant follicle, I would have received the injection I need to trigger ovulation and would have continued to BD. I will go back on Friday for one last ultrasound to be sure, but the assumption right now is that my body simply did not respond to the lower dose of Clomid.

The next step is to increase the Clomid with the next cycle and hope that it works. Once we find the proper dose (one that I actually respond to) I will have about 3 cycles with it.

Round 1: Step 3 (Second Ultrasound)

Back to the hospital today... appointment at 3:15. Hopefully things are growing nicely and I can get the injection! DH is not coming today so I am on my own. Will update later today or tomorrow...

Update: Well this sucks. The largest follicle from Thursday is still there but has not grown. The others around it have all grown but none are larger than the previous one measuring 8mm. So I still don't have any that are ready to go. I go back Friday (CD18) for one last ultrasound but they said it is just to "complete the cycle" and not because they expect something to have changed. Try again next month basically and this time with a higher dose of Clomid (100MG instead of 50MG).

P.S. Happy Anniversary... was hoping to have had better news.

Round 1: Step 3 (First Ultrasound)

So, today is Step 3... ultrasound, and hopefully the injection! Somewhat nervous, yet optimistic as well. DH will be meeting me there too. I will update later tonight or some time tomorrow! Fingers crossed everyone : )

Update: Just got back. One follicle was definitely there, but it still has room to grow so I will be going back on Monday (CD14) for another Ultrasound. It was measuring an 8 when it should be closer to a 14 or so. It is still early so that was to be expected and she said that more may be present by the next appointment. Depending how things are then, I will start the Ovidrel and get back to baby making! I am very happy with this because even having 1 ready has exceeded my expectations!

Round 1: Step 2 (Nearly Complete!)

So, tonight will be the last dose of Clomid. It hasn't been too horrible... but I am happy it is coming to an end and hope that I do not have to take it many more times! Been somewhat lightheaded, irritable, bit of a headache but not enough to run for Advil, hot flashes (not fun!), and nausea soon after taking the pill and lasting for a few hours after that. Thankfully, I take my dose at night so I think I am sleeping through most of the side effects.

Step 3 on Thursday! Apparently there are little to no side effects with that one so the weekend shouldn't be too bad! Made some plans already, but nothing major just incase.

Round 1: Step 2

Not much to say other than my fingers and toes are all crossed and I am just hoping for little or no side effects over the next few days/weeks! Let the Clomid battles begin! LOL

It Begins...

So, as you already know I had planned to start Step 1 while away on vacation. From February 24-26 I took Provera and guess what? It worked! I have never been happier to start AF! It usually takes a week or more to work for me but this time, a record 3 days!

CD1 is today (yipee!!!), therefore Step 2 (Clomid) will be from CD3-7 and I already have the CD10 ultrasound scheduled for March 11 at 3:30pm!

Never knew that AF could make me so happy :)

Home Sweet Home

Got back yesterday morning after a 6 hour delay in DR (on the resort for an extra 6 hours and the airport for an additional 3 actually)... was awake for about 24 hours at that point so yesterday was a lazy day! The vacation didn't meet our expectations or our previous experiences so I guess we are glad to be home in a way. Would prefer to be away, just not at that resort :) Step 1 is complete though!