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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

It’s The Marriage, Not The Wedding, That Counts!

“A wedding is a party, not a performance.
If at the end of the day you are married to the one you love,
then everything went perfectly.”

I have seen it myself many times in the last few years - the perfect fairy tale wedding with all the bells and whistles; the diamonds, the designer princess gown, the horse and carriage (not exaggerating), the antique cars, the elegantly tiered wedding cake and a reception you could only dream of… and then, the dreaded d-word… divorce.

It is truly amazing to me how some people can put so much thought and detail, not to mention money, into one day of their lives and then simply neglect the time and effort needed for the days that lie ahead. A fairy tale wedding does not a marriage make! No amount of money spent on your wedding day can solidify the future your marriage. A marriage is based on love, trust, understanding, commitment, communication, common values, respect… I can go on and on here, but do you see the similarity of all these things? No amount of money can buy them!

I admit that growing up I wanted the fairy tale wedding, and then I started attending these weddings and I realized they were not what I wanted at all! They really aren’t ME. So, after travelling to the Caribbean a number of times I quickly fell in love with the idea of a destination wedding, accompanied by a small group of close friends and family. But, I wouldn’t want to put that kind of burden (financially) on others and I certainly couldn’t pay for everyone myself so that’s out. And then I started looking into eloping with a Vegas wedding, I found the perfect little chapel and everything, but that is just too cheesy and I think my in-laws would kill me for not inviting them!

So, what are we left with? Something that has really grown on me after seeing two couples I know go this route in the past year or so… a notary. Yes, that’s right. I honestly like the idea of just signing the papers and carrying on with our lives. After all, a “wedding” is just a party at the end of the day and I can throw a party any time I want to, but a marriage is so much more than that. After all these years together, DH is my husband no matter what. I really don’t need a fancy ring or a legal document to tell me this (although I wouldn’t mind a new ring), but for a variety of reasons it would be good to have something official. And, more importantly, I like that this is something we can do just for one another and keep it simple. No one ever even has to know; just us, the notary, and the government! It has been discussed recently and while it won’t be happening tomorrow, it may very well come in the future and I couldn’t be happier… we shall see!