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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Back To The Future

“You have to let some people go.
Everyone in your life is meant to be in your journey,
but not all of them are meant to stay till the end.”

Some time ago, this began as s a blog about TTC with PCOS and the one subject I haven’t talked about in ages is exactly that; TTC with PCOS. Why? Because… while we are not doing anything to stop a pregnancy, we haven’t actively been TTC either. And guess what? We aren’t expecting!

Yes, that’s right; the myth that once you STOP thinking about it and STOP trying so hard, it just happens out of the blue… is false! *gasp*

Medically, I know that it is probably near impossible to happen naturally, but for a variety of reasons we have not been through any invasive IUI, IVM or IVF procedures in over a year! And while I am really upset about that on one hand, I am much happier with other things that we have been focusing on in the meantime so I feel more balanced than I have in a while actually.

Focusing on the positive has been just that, positive! We have worked hard, both individually and as a couple, to improve on our relationship and communication skills before bringing a baby into the equation. We are working hard to remove all negativity and drama from our lives, even if it means severing some ties or reducing the amount of time spent with certain people. We are both focusing more on our health now and, in my case, finally acknowledging and dealing with some problems that have been ignored in the past. And, I have even been putting aside a little more money than usual to be able to stay home on maternity leave for at least two years instead of one when the time comes without worry, and that amount will simply continue to grow barring anything unexpected. Maybe I won’t ever have to work again! (DH, are you reading this? Hint! Hint!) Seriously though, I used to want three kids and now I just want one healthy pregnancy no matter what comes from it (single or twins), so I want to be able to spend as much time with my family as possible. It took me a long time to accept this reality but I am happy with this plan!

I don’t think that I talked about this very much, but through my last couple of treatments with the hospital I was not feeling very well, emotionally. It wasn’t the treatments themselves, but rather the facility. Ever since the government has been subsidizing treatment, the atmosphere at the hospital changed. There were too many patients to handle, wait times were stupidly long, and everyone just seemed generally strung out. A couple of the staff members, who I had developed a good connection with, left around the same time as well so the whole experience was just awful. Add hormones to that and it was unbearable!

So, in the spirit of change, we are now looking into other options. We have not closed our file with the hospital just yet, but we have a couple of consultations lined up elsewhere and if we find a good match we will happily move on from the hospital and hopefully never need to look back! Also, I have made a tough decision NOT to share too many details of treatment in the future and to keep things a little more private (at least while it is in progress). In fact, I think the first round that we attempt will be reserved for us and us alone (minus a couple of exceptions whom I couldn’t do it without).

Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted... even if it is not what you want right now and looking back you aren’t sure it was the right decision in the first place, it was right for you then.