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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Round 3: Step 4 (Choices Pt. 3)

“Can you look around this world and believe
in the goodness of a god who rules it?
If a god of love and life ever did exist... he is long since dead.
Someone, something, rules in his place.”

As you can probably tell, I am not ok. On Friday I still had hope… but now I only have questions, doubts, frustration and I am just really irritated by all of this.

Yesterday was CD24; another ultrasound followed by another disappointment. I have not responded to the 150 IU dose at all and for 2 weeks I have been at the exact same results. I will be continuing until Friday mainly because I have 4 doses left, but I have honestly lost hope at this point. So now, we have numerous options to consider…

1) We could increase the dose again, continue going back and forth for ultrasounds, and stay hopeful but, even if that were to work at this point we would be following this with IUI and that only has a 15% chance of working. That was fine when we thought this would be a 2 week long process but now it is just getting too expensive, exhausting, and disappointing for me to want to do this. I don’t want to do it all again only to reach the same results.

2) We could try In-Vitro Maturation (IVM). The cost to do this would be 4500$, but the chances are around 50% per embryo that they place back into me. According to the doctor, with my age etc…, they would put 2-3 embryos back. There is still a risk that nothing will mature even in the lab or that the ones they implant do not result in pregnancy but it is worth a shot, I guess. Now, we could do this immediately (and they are encouraging this) but I also want to find out the pros and cons to doing this now vs. in August for example. Basically, is there anything stopping us from waiting a little while so we can properly think things through?

3) Last but not least, we can wait until the government releases their plans for free IVF treatments and we can hope that I qualify. Everyone is waiting for news on when these will begin but whisperings lead me to believe they may be starting this August. Now, there is still no guarantee that I will even respond to a higher dose of injections, but at least they would be paid for by the government and not us! Start me on the highest dose at that point for all I care! Although, free or not, what will the costs be to my health?

Talk about throwing all of your eggs into one basket! But which basket should we choose?

What’s the thought process right now? If we decide to try IVM now we have to make a decision by Friday. If it fails, we have nothing left; we won’t have insurance to help us, we won’t have the money to do it on our own, and the government has yet to present their plans for “Free IVF Treatments” so I don’t even know if that is another option to fall back on. On the other hand, we could wait until August if my doctor does not see any issues with that and maybe by then I will have all the answers I need concerning IVF as well and then we can just decide between IVM and IVF.

It is hard to think that this will go on for another 2 months but I am trying to wrap my head around it. We will be away for 2 weeks in June and then DH will be away for 2 weeks in July so August is the earliest time to try again. It will be a year of trying by then (REALLY trying), something’s gotta give!!!