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Monday, June 21, 2010

Another Brick in the Wall

Last Friday I had another “déjà vu” moment… and it wasn’t pretty.

About this time last summer I told the doctors that I was ready to start Clomid or whatever treatment they thought was necessary for me to get pregnant. My fertility doctor agreed that I could move on to the next step, but the endocrinologist (that I also have to see) refused. He said that my Glucose Tolerance Test (OGTT) had come back slightly elevated and that I was now diabetic (Type 2). I was scheduled to do the 3 hour OGTT, met with a nurse, a dietician, etc… and, after all of this was done they told me that I was NOT diabetic; borderline, but not there (yet). I had to wait a few more months just to be sure but that is when we started treatment.

Fast forward a year or so and here we are again!

About 2 weeks ago when we realized the injections were not working I scheduled an appointment with my doctor to get the order for IVM. In the meantime, I hadn’t been feeling well and I mentioned this to the on-call doctor so he suggested I repeat my OGTT just to be sure. I did this test along with the thyroid test a week before my appointment and really was not worried about it at all. Friday morning I was so happy. All the way to the hospital I was wide awake, smiling, and feeling great… and about an hour later, my world came crashing down.

My thyroid function is fine, as it has been for almost 2 years now. My OGTT results on the other hand, elevated again! Not once in a year have I ever had an elevated result from self testing but I do this test and everything changes. I have even gone a whole week without taking my medication (while on vacation because I forgot my pills) and even then everything was under control! I don’t get it… I really don’t! You have no idea how much I regret saying ANYTHING about not feeling well. In retrospect, I am pretty sure it was the heat that caused me to feel sick in the first place...

So, now I have to go back to the diabetic clinic and redo all of those steps before they will even give me the order for IVM. Until I am cleared by the diabetic clinic along with the endocrinologist (who I really cannot stand by the way – even before all of this) I cannot proceed. And, while they can’t stop me from getting pregnant on my own that’s never going to happen so once again I have hit a brick wall.

I am devastated. I spent the whole day crying on Friday, calling or e-mailing people for support (thank you again to all of you who were there for me when I needed you most). To make matters worse, even though I asked him to, DH didn’t come home until after I had gone to bed so I was alone all night - crying. Saturday morning I was a bit of a mess and I was upset with DH so I was in a rotten mood. Yes, he has now apologized but that doesn’t make up for what he did! Saturday afternoon we went to see Cirque de Soleil with my brother and sister in law followed by dinner so that kept my mind off things and on Sunday we were busy with Father’s Day (not to mention exhausted) so the weekend wasn't so bad. But now, Monday, I am right back to where I was on Friday. I have been awake for less than 3 hours and have spent about an hour crying in total already.

This is going to be a long day...