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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Not a No!

Today I met with the high-risk pregnancy doctor for the first time. From first impressions, I really like him! Almost as much as my regular doctor... almost.

Last night I really didn't sleep well because my head was filled with negative thoughts about how the appointment was going to go today. To make matters worse, I woke up with an upset stomach and a splitting headache. Yes, I know... I did this to myself, but I couldn't help it. The last round really took a lot of confidence out of me and I had convinced myself that today would be filled more more rejection and I wasn't sure how I would handle that. Since DH is still out of town, I asked a very good friend to come with me for the appointment today so that if I had another meltdown, at least I wouldn't be alone.

My friend picked me up at work and we went to the hospital. Of course, even after a number of detours, we got there early and the doctor was still running late. Does that ever NOT happen? Anyhow, after an hour of waiting, he finally called us in (yes, US... I wasn't going in alone). Basically, I explained that I was there because one of my doctors refused to allow me to do IVF because of my last glucose test and that based on my daily tests, I didn't see why I shouldn't be allowed. He said that he has seen many women in much worse condition succeed so why shouldn't I be allowed? Brownie point number one! Then he asked me some routine questions and took a look at my log book. He really did not seem alarmed by my results in the least. Brownie point number two! He explained that, in my condition, the first days and weeks of pregnancy are a very delicate time and I would have to be very careful. I fully agree and understand this completely. Then, he started to hand me papers for some more blood tests that he wanted me to do right away along with another that I need to do next week before I see him again. I thought I was going to get a flat out NO and be sent away, so when he said to see him again after doing tests I think my brain turned off. Does he really want to see me again? Does he want me to do more tests, only to reject me next week? Is today Tuesday? Am I dreaming? This is why I did not hear him say the next thing, but thankfully I was not alone. My friend clearly heard him say that these tests were not being given in order to make a decision; his decision is already made! He didn't say no! Brownie point number three!

I went and took my first set of tests while my friend booked a follow-up appointment for me because we needed to get back to work. In addition, I need to take my blood sugar level 6 times a day (before and after meals) for the next week and keep a log for the doctor. When I go back next week, I will have a second blood test followed by another appointment with this doctor and I have since made an appointment to see my usual doctor right after I get through with all of this.

So why am I not more excited? Bouncing off walls? Jumping for joy? Because as much as he did not say no, he did not say yes... yet. There have been so many ups and downs over the last few years and so many times that I have been let down that I do not want to get my hopes up just yet. It's kind of like when you first find out you are pregnant; you don't run around telling everyone the news until you are certain everything is ok. This is kind of like that for me. Until I have a piece of paper saying I am officially on the list for IVF and my information session is booked... I do not consider this round over. Until then, you can all be happy for me, how's that?

And to my wonderful angel of a friend, once again, thank you so much! I really appreciate you coming with me today and it was nice to spend time together despite being in a hospital waiting room. You are my new good luck charm and I cannot thank you enough!