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Saturday, July 24, 2010

Please, Do Not Join the Club...

In the words of one of my neighbors, and a fellow PCOS inflicted woman, people who have been TTC for less than a year cannot possibly empathise with us; they can only give us sympathy. The problem is, they expect sympathy in return when we have nothing left to give of oursleves. They have no idea how "hard" getting pregnant can be. They have no idea how lucky they are to be TTC without a million hurdles in their way, only the regular fairytale of ups and downs and the more than likely happily ever after. They think that because they are TTC at the same time as we are that they are part of our "club", but our club does not take members who are young and healthy and living the dream. Our club requires initiation, and sometimes years of "hazing", and yes... emotional baggage.

I am part of this club, and honestly, I feel as though we have enough members already so there is no need to apply! Before I joined I thought I was the only one, but since then it seems as though everywhere I turn I find others. True members, who have gone through battle to get where they are now and have emotional scars to prove it. And then there are the girls who only think they belong in our club; the ones who have been living the fairytale and believe that they know what a struggle is. It's not that I don't feel for them, but after a few months of trying they honestly cannot understand what five years of trying can do to a person both physically and emotionally.  It sounds cruel, and possibly childish, but you don't belong in our club and I hope that you never, EVER, get a membership card.

I realize that this post is going to annoy a couple of people who read my blog, but it is not meant to hurt you. In the same way that you do not understand what it takes to be a member of our club, we do not understand why you want to be a part of it. People in my shoes envy you. We want your fairytale. We want your optimism. We want your naivety. And sometimes, we want your support to give us strength. But why would you want our sorrow? Our tears? Our frustration? Our lives? We understand that after a few months of TTC you think that your world is closing in on you; we get it, far more than you do. But, what you need to understand is that a few months can never compare to a few years... and that is why we will never truly be able to support each other; we speak different languages and we come from very different worlds.

For those of you who are already members, stay strong and stay hopeful. For those of you who are almost members, you are not alone. And, for those of you who think you belong after only a few months of TTC, wait another 6 months and then look into applying.

It's not day camp, it's not a picnic, and it's not a day at the park... it's a way of life. A way of life I never thought I would experience and would never wish on my worst enemy.