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Thursday, January 7, 2016

One... And Done!

Last summer, about half way through the pregnancy, I wrote a post about our decision to have only one child. This statement, online as well as amongst friends and family, fueled many discussions beginning with "but, why" and "you'll see" implying that we would change our minds.

Well, we haven't. In fact, having her has only made that decision stronger for me. Not that she is a difficult baby or anything, I just know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle more.

But, regardless, we took care of any possible "surprises" at birth. Yup, I had my tubes tied... or, at least that was the initial plan.

After making this decision with DH I told a few people about my intentions, to get some feedback, but told very few family members because I was pretty sure I knew what they would say and I felt they wouldn't really understand our position.

Next, I had to approach my doctor with my request. I wasn't planning on a c-section at the time, but in the event it happened I wanted them to do the procedure right away instead of going back for day surgery. Well, I wish I could have captured the look on my OB's face when I asked her! I don't know if her Italian heritage came through or it was just that strange of a request to her, but it was like speaking to my MIL!  But you're only 36,... it's your first child,... don't you want her to have a brother or sister,... you still have plenty of time to decide,... what if you change your mind?

And then I pled my case.

Yes, I am only 36 but we had been at this for a decade and I had done the research. I knew, firsthand, what it would take to have another one and I vowed not to put myself through that torture ever again. And, if we changed our minds, I still have frozen embryos to use that we plan to keep in storage for a couple more years at our expense just to be sure. They could be transferred despite my tubes being tied. And, if those don't work IVF can still be preformed with my tubes tied as well. So assuming I still have PCOS and need help conceiving, the only thing I was really barring access to would be natural conception; not likely, but you always hear those stories of that friend of a friend who miraculously conceived after years of infertility... and I don't want to be THAT girl. Not to mention that I would prefer not to see another synthetic hormone ever again, like birth control, in part because I am convinced they are partially responsible for my weight gain.

After making all of those points, in that order, she agreed! She said I had clearly thought this through and done my homework so she would grant permission in my file in the event of a c-section and if I had a natural birth we would schedule the surgery at my postpartum appointment.

Clearly I did end up in a c-section, so I mentioned my request to the doctor once I was in the operating room. He had a similar reaction to my OB and I gave him a brief summary of my argument and he was also satisfied... with one exception. He recommended complete removal of the tubes as research showed a reduction of certain cancers by doing this instead of tying them. I agreed, DH also agreed and it was done.

So, yeah, one and done...unless we take many deliberate actions to the contrary. A small part of me feared I would regret this decision, but I really don't. In fact, we have the above options and I am confident we will never use them. Of course people have already asked when they can expect a sibling (why must people ask this?) and, if they don't stop at my saying there won't be one, I just smile and tell them what I've had done and that usually ends the conversation.