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Monday, November 2, 2015

Thinking Like A Mom… For Myself!

Earlier on in this pregnancy a situation happened on Facebook with an acquaintance of mine which basically resulted in a simple picture sparking a nasty and public exchange between myself, my other friends defending me, and this acquaintance. It was beyond stupid and completely unnecessary! But, as it was happening, I remember thinking to myself 1) why do I have a so-called friend who repeatedly treats me this way and sparks these situations, and 2) what would I say to my child if they had a friend who acted the same way towards them?

That was when I realized that I needed to put a stop to this so-called-friendship, along with any other relationship that wouldn’t sit right with me for my own child. If it isn’t good enough for her, why should it be ok for me? Why am I settling for less?

I am not the “hello baby, goodbye friends” type, but through this pregnancy I admit that my friendships have definitely changed. Some past friendships have happily re-kindled, others have grown closer and stronger, some have suffered or become a bit strained, and a few have actually ended… and I am ok with that!

I guess there is just something about becoming a mom that makes you really evaluate who is important and who you want to spend your valuable, and soon-to-be limited, time with. As I get older and enter this new chapter in my life, I simply crave more authentic relationships with people. I need only the truest and loyalist of friends surrounding me; I need them to love me at my best, see me through my worst and be comfortable with everything in between… even when that means weeks of silence for no other reason than “I’m a new mom, I’m busy”. Most importantly, I need these relationships to be easy and drama free! Being offended because I didn’t call you back when you expected me to simply will not work for me right now!

Someone asked me if I thought the ones that ended did so because they were too hard to maintain with work, multiple appointments, family and life in general consuming my time. I guess that’s what it was on the surface, but the way I see it is that they simply ended because I don’t do “selfish” and I don’t “chase” where friends are concerned. Those particular friendships were either very one-sided and I was no longer able (or maybe willing is the correct term) to give them what they wanted, or they simply refused to step back from themselves for once and see what I may have needed over the last few months when others stepped up and showed me what could and should be.

I believe that part of the issue also stems from being late to the mommy game. Now that everyone else’s kids are a bit older, their moms are finding their freedom again and want to go out on the town and enjoy themselves. And, while I completely understand that, I was rarely ever that type to begin with so it should be easy to understand why that is even less appealing to me now when I am weeks away from giving birth. A simple text or phone call goes a long way with me these days, especially when I can handle it in my jammies from the comfort of my living room!

Once baby arrives, I know myself well enough to know that going out will be the last thing on my mind for a while. Largely because it will be winter and I would much rather stay indoors, but also because I don’t get to see DH 365 days a year due to the nature of his work and when the time comes he will be home for a solid 4-5 weeks… and that is invaluable to me! Spending that time together as a family, FINALLY, is all I have my heart set on right now even if that means shutting the world out to be able to do so. And no, I am not sorry for that one bit… even if it is just a little bit selfish, because now it’s MY turn!