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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Have A Relationship, With Yourself First

I don’t understand why so many people I know are so determined on being in a relationship with someone, as though having a significant other is the only thing that could ever possibly define them, that they forget that maybe they should have a relationship with themselves first! Some of these people are serial daters, others casual and some divorced already once (or more) and yet they still haven’t figured this out yet.

It may sound cliché, but you really do need to learn to love yourself before you can truly ever love another.

If you are not truly happy in your own skin, being single, then how could you possibly be happy in a relationship? How can you share your life with someone if you haven’t figured out what the meaning of your own life is yet? Finding yourself single shouldn’t be the kick starter for another relationship hunt and speed dating, you should use that time to figure out who you are as an individual. And, you never know, maybe love will find you in the end… you don’t always have to chase after it.

Who are you? What do you want in life? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? When do you want to settle down, buy your first home, have a family...? Yes, it can take a long time to truly find yourself, but no longer than going in and out of ill-fitting relationships one after another only to realize all of this years later.

Yes, I admit it, I went out of one long-term relationship right into another basically. Yes, it was a bad decision made under very stressful circumstances. Yes, if I had to do it again (with a clearer head) I would definitely consider doing things differently. And, yes, in the long run everything worked out far better than I ever could have imagined for us – but that isn’t always the case and it wasn’t easy!

For many years we both struggled with finding our individual selves and while this worked well at times, it also brought out many conflicts at other times. Did love conquer all? You could say so, maybe with a little strength and stubbornness too! But for so many, that process of trying to find yourself while in a relationship with someone else can simply destroy you and leave you further back then where you started. I know that it destroyed me, prior to this relationship, but I was a kid then and I didn’t know what I know now!

Go! Love yourself (get your mind out of the gutter) and find out who you are deep down! Be YOU and be proud of everything that you do and all that you are. Respect yourself, even your flaws. Then, go out and find someone to share your life with! It may be the hardest thing you have ever done, but you WILL be rewarded!

Anyhow, just needed to get that off my chest once and for all… thanks for listening!