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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Re-Claiming My Uterus!

Is this writer’s block? I don’t think so…
Some internal struggle between what to keep private and what to make public? Possibly…
Or maybe I simply haven’t wrapped my head around it all yet? Probably.

For some reason I am just having trouble getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper/blog this week. I am fed up. I am emotionally worn-out from being on display, speaking both medically and personally. I am so over being a lab rat! Although, this time the process has been less lab rat like but still not pleasant.

And, I am exhausted from being questioned and “interviewed” by people around me as though my uterus is everybody’s business. Seriously, Google and Wikipedia are wonderful resources if used correctly; use them from time to time! Hell, maybe look up “how to be sensitive to someone’s needs while they are going through this emotional roller coaster”, or maybe not because I probably don’t want to be treated that way since everyone is different. I don’t know.

I guess, basically, I am just tired of writing the same story over and over.

Only now, after spending most of the day at the hospital last Monday, we have a somewhat new story to share I suppose. Yup. Now, instead of scheduling our next FET I get to do a bunch of tests to determine why I have “recurrent pregnancy loss” Only, I have never BEEN pregnant! How frustrating is that? They are not trying to determine why I lose the pregnancies, clearly, but rather why nothing ever sticks. Best part? The tests I completed Monday were not done in the Reproductive Center where many nurses were free to take my blood. No, instead they sent me to the main lab where I had to wait over an hour surrounded by a bunch of pregnant women! Good job on sensitivity, huh? Oh, and did I mention they are only a couple of floors apart from one another? So frustrating. Thank god DH was with me or I would have screamed!

So, the next step is another (painful) test and DH will be coming with me again. In fact, he has to because the last time I nearly passed out from the pain so I will be heavily drugged this time and not allowed to go home on my own. After that and before the next FET? Not sure, I guess it will depend on all of the results. But I do know that my favorite Dr. D is in my bad books right now because he changed one of my medications to an injectable and that injection needs to be done in the backside every single day for 3 weeks or more! Kind of difficult to do when you are alone a lot! I have done some research and it is not impossible to do yourself, but we will figure something out when the time comes. A couple of people have graciously offered to stab me with needles daily if I need their help… er, thanks, I think! Not sure how I feel about you guys stepping up to the plate so willingly!

Right now, I have a good solid month (or more actually) of nothing medical. No nurses, No doctors, No injections. No meds. No appointments even. And I am overdue for a solid month off! Yes, I realize that I and I alone put myself through this grueling schedule, but at least I also know when I need a break! Not sure how much of a break it will be with the nearly fully booked holidays coming up, but at least we are spending it with the people we love most!

And, to end this rant on a positive note, today is niece #2/godchild’s first birthday! It has been a hell of a year with many ups and downs but despite them all we will celebrate her this Saturday! Looking forward to it, because who doesn’t love a good birthday cake?! Happy birthday my little AJ!!! Zia and Zio love you to the moon and back!!!