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Monday, December 8, 2014

And Then There Were 7…

Back in September I wrote that hopefully 2015 will be our year. While there is still hope for that in the future, this was not the case for us today.

Yes, we recently had our first frozen embryo transfer (FET) from the most recent IVF cycle. And no, it did not “stick”... again! We had an early beta test done on Saturday while DH was in town for a couple of days and the numbers were so low that I basically expected nothing else but negative today unless, of course, a miracle would have occurred - which it did not!

So what have we learned?

For starters, I learned that it takes me 3 days straight to watch all 4 seasons of Game of Thrones. And yes, after previously abandoning it during season 2 and being pressure to try it again... I liked it, a lot!

Medically speaking… not much yet. We now have 7 embryos left to work with and we will meet with Dr. D soon to discuss what our next steps should be and schedule things accordingly. The sooner the better for me, but he may have other plans.

But, speaking on a personal level, in terms of not telling people and choosing to go through the process alone for the most part… I have learned a lot!

Initially I planned to tell no one other than my boss at work (because clearly I had to), but over the weeks some other co-workers were told and now I have to face them all when I go back tomorrow. I hope that no one asks me anything until I am ready to talk about it, and thankfully I think the people I chose to tell WILL respect my privacy… but you never know!

Outside of work, again I had planned to tell no one, and failed! Not miserably, but I did tell a handful of people I hadn’t intended to when this was planned and mostly for very specific reasons. And while nobody overly pushed me for information or anything like that, I realized that the only person I have ever NEEDED to get through this process is DH; and this time he was with me 100% of the way and it felt great!

It’s not that I minded keeping everyone else informed about what was going on but it did become sort of an afterthought this time whereas, in the past, it was the first thing I did as it was the safety net I needed to fall on. But I don’t need that net anymore and I know that now. Maybe I needed to go through it to understand it, but I get it now.

So next time, even if it means having to cover my mouth with duct tape… so be it! DH has clearly shown me that he can be there for me the whole way through this process, in ways only he knows are best, and that is what I am going to allow him to do from now on… him, and him alone.