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Monday, October 24, 2016

Open Letter: Mr. Selfish

When you can’t control what’s happening,
challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening.
That’s where your power is! 

I made a bad decision this past summer. One that I cannot take back, but I can learn from it.

You invited us to your adult-only wedding. In fact, not only were we invited, but you asked DH to be one of your groomsman. Truthfully, we did not agree with your choice for an adult-only affair, but we respected it as it was YOUR choice to make. Initially, I said that I could not attend because I had no idea what I would do with the LO and my anxiety was getting the better of me. We asked that you make an exception, but you stood firm and expressed that you would really like us both there somehow, so I compromised (myself), asking my mom to babysit for a few hours and a good friend to accompany me to the ceremony. It was an acceptable solution to a problem that infuriated me, and I was mostly ok with my decision… right up until I found out that someone else was ALLOWED to bring their LO.


I was told that this exception was made because they were coming from out of town and would have no one to care for the baby. And? Just because I live here doesn’t mean I have a line-up of people willing to care for our LO! And, even if I did, I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving my then 8 month old with someone for a whole evening. That was why we asked for special permission to bring her, just as they did, if only for the ceremony itself. If I felt that she could not have handled that, or any event for that matter, I would have made other arrangements for her to be taken care of. Anyone who truly knows us should also trust that, as the parents, we know what is best for our child and we know what she can (or cannot) handle. She comes before all others; her needs are more important to us than anything. Even if I had to stay home with her myself, I would have… and, in retrospect, I should have.

You don’t have (or want) children… so I wouldn’t expect you to understand any of this, but your demands were nothing but an insult to us.

Now, flash forward a few months and the earliest invitations for our daughter’s 1st birthday party have already gone out. Initially, I vowed I would not even invite you guys, as this is a baby-friendly event, but as time went on my heart softened and I changed my mind and sent you an invitation. Initially, you agreed to come so I was quite happy with my decision. But then I mentioned the evil word… children! Yes, my mistake, I reminded you that there will be CHILDREN at my daughter’s 1st birthday party! And, because of them, you bailed?!? Seriously, scared off over a couple of kids, commenting that our LO wouldn’t even notice or care that you won’t be there.

No, she won’t notice, or care… not in the least. But do you know who WILL notice? Who DOES care? Her parents; mom especially.

I should have stayed home this past summer. I compromised my own comfort for someone so selfish he can’t even be around a handful of children to celebrate the accomplishments of his, supposedly, close friends. This party is a celebration of US and not just HER. The culmination of everything we have struggled for in previous years, and celebration of everything we finally get to look forward to in years to come.

If you can’t wholly accept our child, then you can’t accept us. We are a package deal. We are a family. It’s too bad you can’t see that, because I can’t respect someone who doesn’t.