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Thursday, September 29, 2016

Tabula Rasa

"What we need,' Henry says, 'is a fresh start. A blank slate. Let's call her Tabula Rasa. "
Audrey Niffenegger. The Time Traveler's Wife

Fall has officially begun, and with that we have resumed our regular mommy-baby play date activities. Admittedly, when I started to participate in these groups last Winter I swore I would hate them. But, I have come around full circle and have grown to depend on them for my sanity as well as the LO’s socialization and development.

We will also be increasing daycare attendance as of next week! Up till now, she has gone once a week when DH is home and twice a week when he travels for work. Now she will be going twice a week for the month, three times a week in November, and so on until she is full time in the new year. I have mixed emotions about it, but I guess I have mixed emotions about everything as of late. The other day, for a very brief moment in time, I caught myself considering a second child… and then I quickly snapped out of that and reminded myself I could always borrow someones child if I needed another!

Anyhow, when it comes down to it, it’s like I am finally realizing that I had all the time in the world available to spend with the LO 10 months ago but couldn’t handle it, and now that I feel more capable of doing so I need to learn to let her go.(Insert Mommy guilt here)

In fact, I have only six weeks to accomplish this.

Yes, full time stay-at-home-mom duty comes to an end on November 14 and I get to “adult” again! I just met with my boss and laid out my requests for my return to work, including a gradual entry similar to the daycare integration and a more flexible schedule to handle daycare drop-offs and pick-ups. I have also requested a number of days off next summer, without pay, so that I can attend one of the weekly park playgroups we went to this summer as I really enjoyed that time with the LO. All of this, along with some other important requests, was granted to my surprise! I was ready to take a couple of months of without pay in protest to being denied… so much for that! I am happy with the meeting and believe that I made it very clear that I will not be the old me, I will be the new me (improved or not) and they will just have to accept employee version 2.0. After all, my most important title now is MOM.

Let the countdown begin, I guess!

And, on that note, I also saw my psychiatrist today and we have increased my dosage to accommodate the anxiety that is sure to come sooner rather than later at this point; between the LO being on the move (crawling, climbing, going up the stairs by herself and trying to stand), return to work around the corner, getting used to yet another new routine, adapting to being a working work widow with a baby, and whatever else comes our way... I will need all the support I can get! I should also be returning to the therapist soon to get an extra boost. Do what you have to do!

Suggested Reading:

Medicated Moms Face A Double Standard