This is the last Friday I will be spending with my LO before heading back to work. As of next week she is in daycare 3 days and we continue our usual activities the other 2 days.
I do have mixed emotions, but I am ready to "adult" again. My main fears have nothing to do with leaving her in daycare, but rather that the promises made to me by my employer when I informed them I was coming back will be broken. We shall see. A lot of it has to do with responsibilities that never should have been mine in the first place; I never shied away from more. But now, I have my main responsibility at home, my daughter, and I need to save my energy (and my brain) for her. During peak times I would work straight through like a crazy woman and come home to pass out on the sofa. I can’t do that anymore. And, I know, I shouldn’t have done it before either. But now that I (stupidly) did that for so long, they have certain expectations of me… and I am not good about disappointing people.
But, I would rather let down my co-workers than my daughter.
Recently some moms at playgroup have been talking about how emotional it is to go through old baby clothes, how hard it is to return to work and how fast their little ones are growing up. I don’t really feel any of those things. I have kept some outfits to look back on, but 95% is donated to a mom I have befriended with twin girls. I look forward to going back to work and getting back to what I know best because, let’s face it, I’ve done that longer than I’ve done this and have far more confidence in myself sitting in my office. And, I love that she is growing up because I enjoy celebrating the milestones; feeding herself, crawling and exploring her environment, and trying to stand on her own at the moment. Seeing her clap when she is happy makes me smile! I can’t wait for her to master baby gibberish and eventually learn to talk and tell me all about her day. I look forward to trying new things at the park, like the slide and the jungle gym. Swings are boring!
One mom in particular is very similar to me and we think we don’t feel those things because we know that we are both part of the “one and done” club. At least I am not alone!
Anyhow, I am going to stop sitting at the computer and get ready to spend our last Friday together; a short trip to Wal-Mart, a bag of clothes to drop off for the twins, a jacket to pick up from another mom, and maybe some time at the park if the rain clears up. And maybe if I am lucky, a nap!
Suggested Reading:
I'm Not Cut Out For This Shit
