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Thursday, May 5, 2016

First Mother’s Day

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while,
but their hearts forever."

Yup, I’m a Mom now and I still hate Mother’s Day. Surprised?

Ok, maybe hate is a strong word, but I certainly am averse to it. For as long as I can remember I have never really enjoyed this Hallmark holiday. I thought things would change once I had a child of my own but, like most holidays, I am not looking forward to it at all… even if it is my first.

Mother’s Day has always served as a reminder to me of strained relationships in my life; with my own mother, motherly figures, mother-in-law, etc… A day all about pleasing and spoiling these women; celebrating things they have done (or in many cases, have not done) for me simply because Hallmark tells us to.

But I don’t need a day on the calendar telling me when to appreciate someone; when I appreciate somebody they know it, and it isn’t forced by obligation either.

I know this makes me sound incredibly spoiled and selfish (two traits I am certainly not), but I just want a day that I don’t have to share with anybody. I want a day to me, myself and I. Not Mother’s Day, not my birthday (note: I basically share my birthday with my mother-in-law, so ordinarily this would be MY day but it’s not), not Christmas or anything else “commercial”. I want a day that I do not spend planning and thinking about everyone else, forgetting about myself in the process. Don’t get me wrong, I love buying people presents, seeing their faces when they open them, and celebrating in their joy on these occasions; but it’s not the same as being celebrated for you and who you are.

Maybe this is why I try to make DH’s birthday special every year; because it is the only day of the year that HE can truly be appreciated independently.

I truly don’t know what to expect for Mother’s Day, aside from the usual planned visits to our respective mothers. In fact, I think DH knows me well enough to know that I expect nothing at all. He gives me so much 365 days a year, that I couldn’t really ask him for more. I know some people work up their expectations so high that these holidays become a disappointment to them, but I am not like that. I don’t anticipate so much only to be let down, somehow feeling that it was supposed to be different or better than it ended up being. I truly am easy to please, and not overly picky.

Just please don’t get me flowers! I hate flowers!

About 4 months ago I promised myself I would pick a day close to Mother’s Day and call it my own. I would go to the spa on my own; get a massage, a facial and a mani-pedi. I thought maybe I would even get a nice haircut and go shopping for some new clothes too. But as Sunday quickly approaches, I realize that I have made absolutely none of these plans for myself and really don’t care to either. DH is so busy with work that I feel bad asking him to take a day off to watch the LO. I could send her to daycare, but then when will I get the groceries, house cleaning, LO’s purees, laundry etc… done? And, let’s be honest, I rarely get out of PJ’s unless I have somewhere to be and my hair hasn’t been out of a ponytail since LO was born so why waste the money on a good haircut?

These past two weeks, things feel like they are finally falling into place instead of falling to pieces for the first time and I just want to keep it that way. I guess all I really want is to get through this weekend without any drama. If I can relax, without feeling guilty, than I consider that a win.

To all the mommies who do enjoy this holiday, I wish you a Happy Mother's Day. But, just so you know, I think you should be celebrated the other 364 days of the year as well!