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Friday, April 29, 2016

Sessions With Billie

"A semicolon is used when an author could’ve ended a sentence but chose not to.
You are the author and the sentence is your life."

Project Semicolon 

I had another session with Billie last week and it went really well. I cannot explain it, but sitting down to talk with her is just so comforting! I have friends who I have known for half my life that I don’t feel this comfortable talking to! She really seems to listen to what I have to say, understands what I really need, and gives excellent support and advice. I could talk to her for hours!

I hadn’t seen her since before DH had gone away for work, so I began the session by asking if we could start all over again because I don’t feel like the same person I was when she and I had previously met. I think she was surprised to hear this, as our previous sessions had been so positive.

We started by discussing what had happened in my awful meeting with the psychiatrist. Billie herself stated that this psychiatrist seemed far too unprofessional, and not at all suited to help me right now. She took the words out of my mouth! I told her that I had already spoken to the person in charge and would be meeting with him in early May. She advised that I ask to be paired with a different psychiatrist if possible. I told her that this supervisor had also suggested I ask Billie for additional sessions since we seem to click, as we are only given 3 one-hour meetings through my employer. She looked into some of the rules and regulations and told me that she could give me 6 additional hours for the moment. I told her that I was aware of a loophole in the system and will try to use that for further sessions if needed later on. She seemed to be aware of what I was talking about, and not against trying, so my fingers are crossed!

We also discussed my unravelling while DH travelled and a recent issue I have been having with an in-law. Since DH isn’t travelling until June we have put that issue aside, temporarily, and she focused more on the prevailing in-law issue. I am not going to detail what is happening, but again, Billie herself labeled the problem as manipulative and controlling before I even said it! She has given me some pointers on the issue, but agreed that some old advice we had in couple’s therapy is still the best advice to follow…. DH deals with his people, and I deal with mine. So, DH and I spoke about the issue (again) and we just need to come up with a plan of some sort.

Now, we were supposed to meet again after seeing the psychiatrists’ supervisor, but once he heard that I have 6 more sessions with Billie he cancelled our appointment citing a conflict of interest and/or double dipping. He did, however, assign me a different psychiatrist as the other one will be on vacation when we were scheduled to meet. Woohoo! Under the advice of a good friend, I will also be meeting with my GP again that same day to ask for full bloodwork to be done. I am almost 6 months postpartum so it is a good idea anyway, but it may also help in getting to the bottom of what is going on; thyroid, hormones, sugar levels… who knows?!

I am tired of people telling me I am overreacting, it's normal for a new mom to feel this way, nothing is wrong with me. Some of my closest friends don't even seem to understand how badly I am struggling. I used to know myself pretty well... and now there are days I don't know who I am. I'm sorry, but that is not normal no matter how many times you tell me it is. I want my life back. I want me back. No matter what it takes.

Suggested Reading:

Project Semicolon
Ashley Jewels - Semi Colon Bangle (I just ordered one!)