A while back I wrote a sort of review on Mayim Bialik’s book “Beyond the Sling” and listed my parenting intentions once becoming a mom. While those intentions are still at the forefront of my thoughts, reality also set in and things are not going exactly as planned; and that’s ok!
So what has changed?
Well, clearly my intention to breastfeed has been altered dramatically! At this stage I am no longer physically breastfeeding because I couldn’t bear the “purple crying” every time she figured out what was about to happen and the reality that my lack of supply was always leaving her wanting more which led to even further “purple crying” followed by the inevitable bottle top up anyhow. However, I have not ditched all efforts yet! I am still pumping and giving her what I can, supplementing with formula. As my favorite lactation specialist said, you do what you have to do and formula is just fine if that’s what it has to be! I hope to continue doing this for a while, but if my supply dwindles even further then we stop… that’s it! We have gone through three kinds of formula now and once we find the perfect balance I can stop worrying. We have had one which worked well but we only had a sample to try, one which was horribly awful on her digestive system and one that was definitely ok but we are going to switch it to the sensitive version as advised by her pediatrician to be on the safe side since she is a bit irritated by it. Hopefully this new one will be the last!
As for holding her all the time, we have our moments. Some days she is much more easy going and just wants to be around us even if she is in her bouncy chair so we leave her there. Other days, we break out the carrier and strap her in if necessary! Mommy needs down time too, so if strapping her into the carrier means I get to spend some quiet time writing this blog, working in Photoshop, or even getting dishes done then so be it! We don’t hold her as much as I believe intended to, but we do our best. She certainly isn’t lacking, and you can never spoil a baby so we do what we can!
Co-sleeping was an interesting experience – for a whole 2 weeks! We didn’t have her in bed with us, but rather in a bassinette next to the bed. For the first couple of nights it was wonderful because I did the usual first-time-mom-needs-to-check-if-baby-is-breathing-every-five-minutes thing. But that got old really fast when we realized what a NOISY sleeper she is! It’s like sleeping next to a little old man all night long! Grunting, shifting, calling out, groaning, stretching, gurgling, babbling, etc… wow! One night I suggested we leave her in the playpen so we could get a decent night of sleep. We set up the camera so she was indirectly next to us, but we slept so much better (even though it was broken by feedings obviously) that I decided we would leave her there for now! If she needs me functional during the day, then I need to sleep at night. Co-sleeping intentions were 3-6 months… hah! Next step? Get her into her crib.
As much as I thought I would be hard on myself for letting my intentions go, I have been mostly ok with everything. I would say the hardest one was the breastfeeding, but since we are both so much happier this way I got over that upset really quick! The next would have to be the co-sleeping because I thought it would be really nice to have her close, but I just have to look at the monitor and she is right beside me. No, it’s not the same, but again… happier!
Happy mommy, happy baby!
