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Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Open Letter: To My Hair Dryer

To my evil, possessed, hair dryer… I hate you!

When I left the house yesterday, I thought it was going to be just like any other day… but you proved me wrong! So wrong!

Like every other morning, I got up and had my shower and then proceeded to dry my hair. When I was done, I turned you off and put you down on the floor in my office where you always are. Afterwards, I got dressed, did my make-up and went downstairs to feed the cats etc… and because DH is away I was actually 10 minutes early! I left the house, happy to be early, and went off to work.

After work I met up with a friend for dinner so I wasn’t home at my usual time. Actually, it was about 9pm by the time he dropped me off, and from the outside of my house nothing looked out of place. The lights were off, the big ugly spider was still on my front stairs, and the garbage can was outside reminding me I had to clean the cat litter today.

But inside… this was another story, wasn’t it?

When I went in I heard the sound of a motor running. The cats were running around meowing and one of them kept pawing at my office door. That was when I realized it was coming from inside my office. Was it the aquarium filter blowing up? Was my computer freaking out? What was it?

As I went up the stairs my house felt very hot. I opened my office door with hesitation and what did I find? A steamy room, a hot floor, and you… in the on position, blowing away! I picked you up and turned you off but you were hot to touch. Even my aquarium was warm! How long had you been on? Had you been on since morning? How did you turn on? The door was closed… was someone in the house?

After searching every single room and closet in my house looking for an intruder like a mad woman, I started to look online for reasons why you would do this. I found everything from scientific explanations to fluke to the paranormal. Whatever it was, it seems the best thing to do was unplug you so I did. I plugged you back in this morning for a bit and it seems like 2/3 of your coils are no longer working and you burnt yourself out in the process of freaking me out too. Why would you do that?

So, whether you were trying to scare me or just trying to commit hair dryer suicide I believe you are possessed. You may have run up my Hydro bill, but at least you didn’t burn the house down! I don’t know what I ever did to you to deserve this, but I know what I am going to do to you now! Next Tuesday, garbage night, will be your last night in my house. Your time is up Mr. Hair Dryer!

Good-bye Vidal Sassoon model VS773F… you will not be missed!