My best
friendships have always relied on balance; sharing the responsibilities of a
friendship, equal give and take, the ability to communicate freely and
uncensored along with continuous support and trust towards one another. After
closer examination, my most strained friendships are – surprise, surprise – the
complete opposite. In recent years I seem to have attracted a number of people
who have needed my help for one reason or another, but once this need was met
it wasn’t always clear if I had served my purpose and could now move on or if
our arrangement had become more over time. So, some of these circumstances have
turned into friendships, but others have turned into very strained situations
and I can finally see that now.
In my last
post I mentioned an article in Squidoo. This article had a few questions you
could ask yourself about when to end a friendship: Do I feel better after
meeting up? Does this friend bring out the best in me? Is this friend a
positive influence on my life? When I haven't been in touch, how do I feel? Do
we both make an effort? I have asked myself these questions, and many more,
about a couple of friendships I have been unsure of in the last few months and sometimes
my own answers have surprised me. But, where do I go from here?
I wouldn’t
say that I am afraid to acknowledge conflict; it’s more like I know these
people so well that I realize what I have to say will hurt their feelings and
that is what I am trying to avoid. I appreciate it when people are blunt with
me and just get to the point so that we can go on from there, but not everyone
can take that. After years of knowing them it still seems like they need everything
to be sugar coated, and I don’t do that very well! But, honestly, how do you even
sugar coat something like “you can be a good friend, on the rare occasions that
you try, but you’re certainly not the greatest”?
I guess it’s
also worth mentioning that I have recently re-kindled a couple of old
friendships and it feels odd, or maybe it feels right, but I feel more
connected to those old friends (who I haven’t really seen or known since high
school) than I do some of my newer friends. They just seem to “fit” me better
and I don’t feel like I am sacrificing my own happiness to be around them;
quite the contrary actually!
I don’t
know… letting go isn’t easy, but neither is holding on!
