Once the embryo transfer was done, as far as I was concerned I was/am pregnant until proven otherwise. This was suggested to me to do by another friend in treatment and it is probably the best advice I have received in recent months and something I have tried to keep in practice as best I could. I still do not have any answers but I wanted to address the “do we tell or don’t tell” issues now, before I find out for sure so no one can say they were not warned ahead of time.
Everyone knows the “don't tell until you are at least 3 months pregnant” rule. It’s as though by telling you are tempting fate. It is completely understandable to wait, as many pregnancies do not make it through the first trimester and it can be scary to celebrate a new life not knowing what will happen in the weeks to come. I guess that the 3 month wait is sort of a safe-haven for some; a sign that they are out of danger and free to share their news with the world. For others it is simply the way things are done. We are creatures of habit, after all!
But, as much as it is understandable to wait, it is also just as reasonable for others to share their news right away. Some feel the need to celebrate parenthood openly from the beginning and they turn to family and friends for support and advice immediately. And, should something terminate the pregnancy, they have a large network to help them grieve and get through the process. However, there is also a down side to this in my opinion; too much advice, no control on who hears the news, when they hear, and how they hear. And, often times, scrutiny by others for telling so early!
So, what is the right thing to do? Well, the answer is simple... do whatever is right for YOU. Not because someone tells you to, not because society dictates that you must do this or that, but because it makes you happy. If it feels right to tell, then share the news. If you would rather wait, then wait. You are parents now; you get to make the decisions!
One thing that makes this decision a little more complicated for us is that this whole process has been very open from the start and it is pretty obvious when we will be finding out the answer we have been waiting for. Unlike a traditional pregnancy, everyone knows what we have been doing! Already, a large handful of people know the exact date and time that I will be finding out the answer. Do we keep up the suspense, and if so, how? Do we tell some people but not others and hope that the news does not spread like wildfire? Do we tell everyone we know? I do not have answers to these questions yet but they will come in time. Certain people will definitely be told from the start I am sure, but as for everyone else... we will see!
No matter what happens, it is a big decision to make and it is OUR decision to make. Whether you are one of the first or one of the last to find out, all I ask is for a little r-e-s-p-e-c-t for whatever we decide to do!
