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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Explanations and Revelations

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.”

About a month ago I promised to address a question that I have repeatedly been asked - Why did I decide to call this place “Creating my Monster”? I guess there are many answers to this question and to be honest, even I am still finding the answers to this question but here are a few explanations for now:

1) The simplest; I do not know if I am going to have a boy, a girl, twins, multiples, or even if I will conceive at all… but I guarantee, whatever child I have WILL be a little “monster” : )

2) In a way, I look at PCOS as a “monster” that I did, in some ways, create and continue to create.

3) TTC with PCOS is a monster of a process… not to mention the monster I can/will be while going through treatment! Ha ha ha…

4) The blog itself is a monster of a hobby. I know from blogging experience that at times we will share a love/hate relationship but so far so good!

Now, as for revelations…

Everyone, including me, has now seen and been exposed to nearly one full cycle of my treatment, what I have to go through, as well as the possible ups and downs that go along with it. Aside from a touch of information overload, I have learned a lot in the past few weeks; both related and unrelated to my treatment. That being said I need to say that I truly appreciate all of the support that I have been given. I understand that people are genuinely concerned, want to be informed, and want to follow me through this journey either beside me or just in the shadows. However, from now until further notice I want to refrain from discussing things outside of my blog unless I myself choose to.

When I started this project I did it with the intent that everyone would have the same information at the same time and all in one place saving me from speaking to each and every person directly. As I have now learned, sharing good news with people individually was not an issue at all but with bad news I realized that it is not something I want to repeat any more than necessary, before I am ready, or sometimes maybe not at all. Although it wasn’t anywhere near horrible, my second ultrasound was my first introduction to “bad news” and this is when I realized that I need to change the way I am handling things now before I regret it later. I appreciate the phone calls and e-mails on the days I have something going on but for now I need to put them on hold. I need time to process the news, figure out my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and then I promise I will write something… when I am ready. Blogging allows me to control WHAT information is put out there and WHEN. I do not tend to censor myself when blogging… but sometimes you just aren’t ready to “face the music” just yet.

Thank you all for your understanding.