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Monday, September 8, 2014

New Beginnings: Retrospective Part I

August went by in a flash! Summer is over, school has started back up again, and soon the weather will be changing too; bye-bye summer, hello fall! We have been extremely busy and I haven’t really had the chance to write in recent weeks, so I decided to set aside some time to share the reasons why and let everyone in on our little secret!

After numerous delays and flip-flopping from the semi-private clinic I finally decided to try my luck at the hospital again. I think the confidence I lost on one place gave me courage to go back to the other. At this point I figured it was worth it to just cross my fingers and go with whoever was ready to take me first. It was a bit more complicated than I expected to change my file from my previous doctor at the hospital to my new doctor from the clinic (who also practices at the hospital) but after explaining the whole situation they finally agreed.

It was strange heading back to the same hospital I have tried my best to avoid… since February 2012! All week leading up to the appointment I was nervous, but then that morning I was so calm I could hardly believe it myself. Part of me was saying “it’s just a backup, the clinic will call you soon, don’t worry” and the other part was saying “they won’t be ready to take you for another 3-6 months; you know that, so why worry now”. And the rest of me just didn’t care what happened anymore! After so many ups and downs over the summer, why not add some more drama? And, ironically, it was raining! In all my years trekking back and forth to that place it feels like the weather is not co-operative about 90% of the time so it was just like the good old days!

So, on August 13 I met with a very understanding and empathetic Dr. D (as I will refer to him from now on). Obviously, he was aware of the tug of war going on at his other clinic and he also knew my previous history with the hospital. He took a minute to review my old files one more time and confirmed, AGAIN, that all other treatments we had undergone were not sufficient for me. The dosages were always too low, the medications were incorrect and everything was just all around not appropriate – something I had felt for a long time. He went over my new treatment plan again briefly as I was already aware of what it was and discussed the possible side effects, particularly the risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) because of my PCOS.

And then he said something I never expected – If you’re ready, why don’t we start next week? What? Really? I was elated! Ready? I was more than ready! He sent me to meet with a nurse, someone who I have known there for years, and we set everything up in less than 10 minutes. I got my paperwork and I was done!

Of course, all of my obvious reservations began to set in at this point. Like, what if they find some reason to refuse me? They only provide anesthesia on 2 days (free by the way), what if I don’t make it onto one of those days? Will I ever see Dr. D during the process? Will I only see residents? Who will do my egg collection? And on and on…. but they were all suppressed by the sheer joy I felt that it didn’t even matter! Things were finally happening!

To be continued…